How I killed a lion

Hey everyone, it's me Mina. I've been working on tranforming my demure, emo persona to a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) one. I thought I would start by learning to kill a lion, because I feel killing a lion is very tough and something a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) would do. Also, I was told pit bulls used to hang by the noses of 2,000 lb bulls and I figure, on a scale of HARD to SUPREMELY IMPOSSIBLE, hanging on the nose of a 2,000 lb bull was SUPER HARD while killing a lion was SUPER AWESOME NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE HARD. And because I am a quick learner, I decided to skip the bull and go straight for the big cat.

Plus, I like cows. I dressed up as one one Halloween. It was the only time I willingly dressed up too. I also got to hang out with Sadie, my minion's most favorite cow, also my most favorite cow (but please do not tell her that, that's not TOUGH PIT BULL (tm)).

I thought I should begin with a starter lion. It needed to be able to fit into my minion's apartment. I asked the minion to hunt me down one and bring it back unharmed so I could practice my super awesome TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) hunting skills.

Okay, so first I moved my head super fast to confuse the lion. Then, I pounced! and hugged the lion. You can see how shocked my starter lion is - who wouldn't be? I mean, that is a very tough TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) jumping him. But I wasn't sure if I would win the war.

I alread killed the camel and flipped him on his dead camel back - go me!

This is how I killed the lion. Flash, blurry paw and BAM! ate his head! Because I'm a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm), I even had time to look into the camera.

I feel very ready to take you on, lion!

Photo by Corey Leopold

Um, yes, well that is a very impressive lion. I mean, I am pretty certain his paw is the size of my head. Hmm, maybe we shall call it a draw. I think a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) can show some self-restraint and be fair to her opponents every now and then. Like now, for example. I can be very generous and just say, hey lion! my little not-sister Celeste is much meatier than me!

Just saying.

MASSIVE HUNTING EXPEDITION PART TROIS

Hey everyone, it's me Team CELESTE!!!!!1!! FOR THE WINS!

Okays, so this "RABBIT" (read = food) is actuallys from the sanctuarys where my mom works and she says I cannots ever ever eats him. WUT?!?

Anyways, 'nufs about this stooopids rabbits who I can't eats, let's talks about yesterdays MASSIVE HUNTING EXPEDITION PART TROIS.

My mom and my biggest most awesomest of sisters went to a parks where I picked the path and gots us lost (accordings to the mom and sister, but not accordings to me!)

Then I saws food and I says "MOM, I'll solves our lost problems by catchings us some foods!!!" and my mom was all "What are you talking about?" So then I rans off real fast like and charged after the foods with all mights. My moms was encouraging-like with her yellings; I'm pretty sures she was tellings me I was such a good, good dog and that I had not shamed my family for taking the wrong paths!

Turns out these rabbit creatures are uber fast; I mean almost as fast that big buck I nearly ated. I almosts ated the rabbit when outs of nowheres I was brutally attacked by a rocks. Maybe even two rocks. The rocks not only tripped me but smacked me goods in the eye. RUDE!

So my foods got away and I had to hang my head and return to the mom in shame. She praiseds me so I think I mights try capturing foods again so I can gets praises! Mina said I was a loser with no sense of directions. Directionless losers for the wins!!! YAY TEAM CELESTE!!!

MASSIVE HUNTING EXPEDITION PART DEUX

Hey Team Celeste, it's me CELESTE!!!!!111!!. Recently, I shared my very amazing chases of a deers who should be in my bellies but is still roaming frees up on the countryside.

But enough of that deers who I should still be eating. My mom has been getting up super duper early (according to her anyways) so shes can take me to the park. It's not even light out which is greats cuz then I can sneakify up on my food.

Like a couple days ago, my mom and Is were all "let's walk" and we makes a very very very good team (Team Celeste I calls it). Before I get to that sneakifying part, let me just says that Mina my most awesome of older sisters is always invited to these hunting expeditions but guess whats?!? Mina apparently thinks sleeping in until 7:30 am (whens we return from an hour of runnings and chasings and huntings) is way more fun. Sometimes I really think my biggest sister has the Al-Zimers cuz who wouldn't want to go huntings over sleepings?!?

Anyways, Team Celeste was all out and about when I spies myself a tasty morsel - it was all black and white and waddling like it just wanted me to eat him. I was abouts to engage in my SECOND massive hunting expedition part doo when my mom (who i love very dearly but who i really feel isn't all that smart about getting food) asked me to come. She had this sort of puppy whine and panicky edge to her voices, sos I had to come real fast to make sures she was fine. Turns out she was fine, she just wanted to put that darned leash on me! And when I turned around to sees if my foods was still waddling towards me - he was gone!

Geez, my humom is real great and alls but she isn't so smart about hunting.

MASSIVE HUNTING EXPEDITION

<----- Not the actual deer

Hey everyone, it's me CELESTE!!!11!!!

So first of alls, Happy News Year! This is going to be a BIG news year. I started it off right early by hunting a ginormously large buck who had antlers the size of a whale. I'm pretty sure you'll see me on the cover of your local papers tomorrow morning.

My mom and most awesome of big sisters, Mina, were out and about running frees when alls of a sudden, this ginormously large buck comes zoomifying out in front of us. My mom is all "Oh, dear" and I'm all "Yeah, duh! CHASE!" Then my mom is all "Oh, don't do that Celeste. Celeste! CELESTE!!!" and I'm all "Yeah, I'll get us some dinners!!!" And Mina was all "You are all so embarrassing." I'm sure she was just referring to the deer.

The one thing I do nots expect with my food is for them to be way big and way fasters than me. My most awesome of big sisters is actually shorter than me so she's not really big. Not that I'd eat her anyways. Anyways, like I was saying, this big ol deer creature escaped my clutches so I had to comes running backs to my mom in shame.

Happy News Year!!!! Hope you make the cover of the newspaper but in a good, non deer hunting way!