Saturday, August 23, 2008

When good dogs go bad

M = Me.

Mina = Mina, a patchy eyed pit bull. Likes: long walks anywhere, licking, cookies, royal canids and her minion (M). Dislikes: Celeste and mutant squirrels.
Celeste = Celeste, a canine of dubious ancestry. Likes: Mina, her humom, Mina, everyone, the plant on the stoop, Mina, humom, all the doggies and kitties and birdies, Mina. Dislikes: Bed-time and time-out.
Poop = in this story, horse manure.

While the dialogue is fictitious (excluding some training commands), the butterfly chasing incident and subsequent chaos is, sadly all too true.

The scene: Our adventurous trio head to the park for a walk and training session. Little did they know their walk would turn into something else entirely...something malevolent...something nefarious...something beyond evil!

M: Celeste, sit!
Celeste: I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. I did it!!! Do I get a cookie?!?!?!??!
M: Good girl, yes a cookie for you.
Celeste: Twenty five billion cookies?
M: No.
Celeste: Oh. Bummer.
M: Alrighty! Let's try a heel, Celeste. Heel. Heel. Heel. Good!
Celeste: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I'm HEELING. I rule at life and walks and HEELING!!! COOKIE!
Mina: You are a strange little dog.
Celeste: Cookies for strange little dogs, please!
M: Let's try that heel thing for a few more seconds, mmkay?
Celeste: Oh yes! I am so good at heeling, it's like a second or third skin or something.
Mina: Hey, Celeste - is that a butterfly?!?
Celeste: Wahuh, what, WHERE IS THE BUTTERFLY?!?
*Celeste veers off course, leaping gracelessly to the right...directly into M's legs who proceeds to flail uselessly about before tumbling in a heap onto the ground*
Mina: *snort* That was embarrassing. *meanders off*
M: *groan* Celeste! What have I told you about chas...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Celeste: *roll* I'm rolling.
Celeste: I dunno, it's the same stuff you're sitting on. I want to be cool like you!!
*M gazes at the ground, stares back at Celeste, then directs a scathing glare to Mina*
Mina: What?
M: *dusts (sort of) horse poop (dried, thankfully) off self* You know very well What. How many times have I told you not to trick Celeste like that?
Mina: *ponders* I dunno, thirty? Forty? I've lost count.
Celeste: Fifty-five! Cookie?
M & Mina: No!

And with that, the three managed to finish the walk relatively unscathed. Mina made several more attempts at distracting Celeste with sightings of lizards, rabbits, squirrels, rolling apples, wind through leaves and another butterfly. Celeste did her best to chase all the aforementioned animals and/or object and/or natural phenomena. And failed at catching any of them. M managed to not trip over Celeste or Mina or that annoying bench randomly placed on the path.

The end. For now.

No comments: