Hiatus Fin!

That is French for finished, people. Be overjoyed. I am:

Truly, I am.

Anyway, I thought I would share with you my recent walk, which ended five seconds ago and was not quite what I expected. You see, I expect to do many things on my walk, anything I want, actually. My minion does not understand the word minion and seems to think she is in charge. Vexing, I tell you. Even more so is the fact that the minion brings along that one, or the not-so-little-not-sister. She may be 2.5 years old, but she has yet to learn to walk properly. This is embarrassing.

Behold! Things My Minion Did Not Let Me Do On The Walk....

My minion did not let me:

1) Pee on every single blade of grass, shrubbery, low-hanging branch, fire hydrant, dirt clod or flower bed. How on earth am I to convey my Queeninosity when I can't even show my presence?

2) Eat that dog the size of a pinto bean. Normally, I like little dogs. Do not tell them that. If news spreads that I LOVE OH MY GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE little dogs, my emo image might be tarnished. So, anyways, there was this little dog. Size of a pinto bean. Really small. But he was ready to take on the world, or at least Celeste and me, maybe. He lunged and he lunged and he crashed into the window, bouncing left and right, yelling really rude things, and generally acting a fool.

3) Eat Celeste.

4) Walk into traffic. Which I suppose is a good thing, seeing as there are idiot drivers who fail to comprehend that this world is mine. Still, there was a good smell in the middle of the asphalt, and I wanted to smell it and then pee on it.

There are probably many other things my minion didn't let me do. She did let me body slam Celeste off the sidewalk. Actually, she yelled at me for that, but whatever.

I am sure you are overjoyed I (and the not-so-little-not-sister) am back. Are back. Whatever. Savor the moment. You do not know how long it will last.

HIATUSES

Hey everyone, it's me TEAM CELESTES!!!!

I am justs reporting that me and my most awesomest of big sisters, Mina, is on hiatuses! My bestest moms ever wants to focuses a little mores on her other blog.

We'll stills be making debuts and featureds in her other blog because she says we annoys her soooooooooooos muchs she needs to talks about us!! Mina is a little miffeds but says shes okay with a hiatuses dues to the facts it means more cookies for hers.

Not sures how longs we wills be on hiatuses but gives us at least a months!

Wordless Wednesday: Smile!

Awards and Awesomeness

I am happy to report that Celeste's Lion-Nose Stigmata has disappeared. This was a very embarrassing condition that made walks uncomfortable. Recreational time was okay, due to the fact I could just grab her lion-nose stigmata and pretend it was Celeste's actual nose.

Anyway, we got an award due to my beauty and awesomeness. My minion considers this rather self-indulgent and egomaniacal, but what does she know?

The award we received from Daisy who is a pit bull with a pinkish nose, which makes her pretty cool. Celeste does not like to speak of Daisy due to the fact she is Dozer's boyfriend and this makes Celeste jealous.

So I have to give seven beauty secrets and then pass it along to seven other bloggers:

1) Roll in the grass for an absolutely delightful scent that will make all the dogs go wild, including the annoying french poodle next door.
2) Get a lot of sleep, preferably 18-22 hours daily.
3) Stay in shape by chasing around you not so little not sister.
4) Streeeeetch. A lot. Stretch in the morning, afternoon and evening, before and after naps, after meals and right before you head bonk your minion (this will keep you limber and provide entertainment).
5) Paint your nose pink.
6) Eat flaxseed oil, like ten capsules a day or a whole bottle so you will be glossy and shiny.
7) Floss. Maybe with your not so littler not sister's leg. Or not.

Seven bloggers:
1) Addy
2) Dannan (handsome secrets, not beauty secrets of course)
3) Princess
4) Amber
5) Luce
6) Bella
7) Baily

So if winning an award wasn't great enough, Dozer also passed on a meme promoting awsomeness. Now, I am surprised Dozer actually shared this as he's been known to not share things. So, in his honor, I'm not sharing this meme with ANYONE. Ha!

Seven reasons why I, Mina, is Awesome:
1) Pink nose of doom.
2) Perfectly shaped ears.
3) Ability to sleep through an earthquake.
4) My emo and angsty nature
5) PINK NOSE OF DOOM (differs from #1 in many ways that I cannot articulate)
6) I do not stoop to the depths of slor where my not-so-little-not-sister lives
7) I have a fan club.

I has the stigmatas

Hey everyones, it's me Team CELESTES!!!!1!! And boy do I has some very important news - I has the stigmatas! Mina says this means I'm the second comings of the satins, but I thinks I'm really the second comings of Rin Tin Tins. Or Lassies!

Here is my evidences:

Please feel free to send money to my Campaign of Woe

I am starting a Campaign of Woe. Every time I turn around, there is the minion with her clicky-shooty device.

Instead of cookies, click!

Instead of adoration and praise, snap!

What is wrong with her? Many things, let me tell you. But mostly this whole camera fetish.

Anyway, I am starting a Campaign of Woe so that you, dear canid reader, may bear witness to the abuse and mistreatment and humiliation I must endure at the hands of my minion and her camera.

Thank you for your time. I accept cookies, peanut butter and carrots as donations.

Is that a horse following me?

The minion of Mina and bestest mom ever of Celeste has this to report. I'm sure Mina and Celeste have their own commentary. But I have excluded it. Ha, opposable thumbs for the win!

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There is a time and place for everything and yesterday it was the time and the place for Celeste to meet horses for the first time. Mainly, it was the time and the place because, well, there were the horses and there was Celeste, sticking her nose through the fence to see the horses. Mina followed suit because Mina wanted to make sure Celeste knew that Mina knew whatever it was Celeste knew. That is how Mina rolls.

Of course, I must point out that Celeste did not actually go up to the fence because there were four large horse heads attached to four large horse bodies. She went over there because it smelled interesting. And when the horses snorted, her strange little ears perked up, she sniffed the air, and then BAM! realized there were four large horse heads attached to four large horse bodies three feet away.



After I took this picture, I told Celeste she was a ninny for being unafraid of horses but petrified a new dog might sniff her butt. She could not answer due to the fact she was sniffing noses with a horse and that was hard work, requiring the same amount of concentration one might give to, I don't know, understanding string theory.

Mina has met horses and cattle and goats and pigs and sheep - she feels they should be sniffed once and then ignored utterly and completely. So while Celeste acknowledged the horses desire for her NOT to be in the pasture with them, Mina thought they were all silly little equines. She walked behind their hooves, under them, in front of them, feigning utter disinterest in the presence of these 1,000 lb animals. I told the horses they were all very big and beautiful and please to not be minding the very small and demure pit bull lurking behind their left hooves. They were all very impressed with my speech, demanded more scratches and were considerate enough not to send Mina flying with those left hooves. I told Mina this was all a very bad idea, that she should perhaps choose another location to look adorable.

So she did. She wandered jauntily further afield. Truly, she jaunted. And if that is not an actual variation of jaunty, it should be added to the dictionary. One horse took it upon herself to act like she had in fact chased the mighty pit bull away and followed Mina at a measured, but leisurely stroll. The horse conveyed to me she was not strolling but was walking with purpose. I wasn't convinced. Neither was Mina who ignored the approaching mare in that special way she has.



No, I did not race across the field to save Mina. I feel a little bad about this but temper my feelings with the fact that my coworker did race across the field to, in his words, "defend Mina from that horse". That horse was easily distracted by butt scratches, which is how I often distract Mina and Celeste from doing inappropriate things like eating wood, grass, chasing squirrels (does not work), eating cats (also does not work), licking themselves, chewing on the table, chewing on what they thought was a toy but was actually my remote control, etc. ad naseum.

In any event, Mina and Celeste bonded with the horses. The horses bonded with me. I nearly bonded too much with a wooden post after one horse got angry over something and shoved the horse I was petting into me and thus into the wooden post. I shook my fist, which they ignored. I threatened them with my pit bull, who had by now returned to stand behind the left rear hoof of the horse who had me pinned to the post. And when this did not work, I scratched her butt. She had to lean a little to the right to appreciate the scratching, which gave me enough room to escape the wooden post.

And then Mina snorted and snorted and snorted and snorted. And I thought she was going to snort out her lung but realized she was trying to snort out a fox-tail. We abandoned the horses in favor of vets and ended our day with a $233 vet bill for the removal of a bloody, two-inch useless piece of grass.

And to answer the question, yes there is a horse following you. Scratch her butt and you will be okay. Watch out for wooden posts.