Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Preparing for Halloween

Mina here, I'm taking over this blog to warn all of you canines about the horrors of Halloween. HORRORS. I cannot emphasize enough the evils of this so-called human holiday or, as I call it, Holiday of Torture.

Behold the sheer terror of this day.

In 2005, my minion decided I would be good as a gourd. A GOURD. There is zero resemblance between me and a pumpkin. And just because you stick felt shaped jack-0-lanterns on me does not make it so. It is difficult for me to convey, but I think you can see the death-glare I am giving my minion here.

The tragedy here is that I was forced into this same pumpkin costume in 2004. I mean, come on, couldn't my minion even get a bit more creative? Once I had that thought, my minion got more creative. Don't think, dogs, it's highly overrated.

Because once you think, then your minion may do THIS to you. Yes, that is me as a "cow-dog" (wherein my minion always responds "get it? she's a dog dressed as a cow! HA!"). I am posing with Sadie, a rather large black and white dog. My minion says she is an ACTUAL cow, but I have a hard time believing anything she says about cows.

Plus, she also claims I'm saying stuff like this "I is in ur paddocks dressed like ur cattle fostering my mad hunterz skillz!"

I DO NOT talk like that. At all. I know how to use the letter z correctly and I feel "hunters" and "skills" are sufficiently detailed without the z.

Then, last year, the worst Halloween ever occurred. I mean it when I say the worst. My minion dressed me up as a SKUNK. I mean, is that her passive-aggressive way to say I smell bad? Or that I'm a pest? or that I'm ugly? At least she dressed Celeste up appropriately. Fact is, Celeste is strikingly similar to a pig, except for the fact she is a bit on the skinny side. However, her appetite? None of the pigs at my minion's place of work could ever eat as much as Celeste. My minion told me that the pigs at the sanctuary don't even like broccoli - Celeste does. She says they don't like eating plastic - Celeste does. My minion even told me that the pigs know not to eat pencils - Celeste eats pencils like they're going out of style.

So maybe this is an actual insult to pigs. I've met a few of the pigs at the sanctuary and they're big, but they don't try to eat me - Celeste does.

Anyway, I heard news that my minion is planning on dressing me and the little sis up for Halloween '08. I'm sure it will be another day of torture with photographic evidence to support my cruelty claims.

To all you dogs: Keep it real. Dress up as a naked dog for Halloween. Don't let your minions or humoms or hudads or lackeys con you into wearing silly outfits. For serious.


Bella the Boxer said...

ooooohhhh, Halloween torture!! It's so nice meeting you, Mina & Celeste. I can't wait to follow all your adventures.

xoxo - Bella

Dennis the Vizsla said...

hello mina its dennis the vizsla dog hay yoo ar sum sort of master of disgize!!! i am verry impressd! nekst time i need sumwun to infiltrayt the ninja hedjhog army or wotever i wil giv yoo a call ok bye

The Girl said...

Oh my dog, how could your minion do that to you???? And more to the point, do you think that The Girl will tell me that "Miss Mina wears a costume, so you can, too!"???? (The Girl thinks you look marvelous, Miss Mina. She said I had to pass that on. Sorry.)

Brown dog in fear,