Friday, September 19, 2008

When dogs are abandulated

The scene: Home back from five days of vacationing without the dogs.
The cast:
Me: Hapless human who had the nerve to go on vacation WITHOUT the dogs.
Miss Mina: Queen Bee Supreme irked with my abandoning her for infinity and beyond.
Celeste: Little Dumpling of Doom overjoyed with life.

Me: I'M HOME!!!!!
*silence*
Me: AS IN INSIDE THE HOUSE IN PERSON FOR REAL!
*crickets sing*
Me: Where the heck are you two darn dogs?!?
*woof, woof*
Me: Aww, they're calling for me!
*walks toward backyard*
*sees two dogs playing together*
Me: Hey ladies, it's me! YOU'RE MOST FAVORITEST PERSON!!!! I'm back!
Mina: Who? You mean the person who was my former minion and now is even more former than before? The one who abandoned me with THIS thing? *stares at Celeste* FOR FIVE DAYS!
Me: Oh, well, you see, they said "pets" were allowed but, well you know, you aren't a pet!
Mina: That's your excuse? You leave me to suffer indignities the likes you've never seen because I'm not a pet? Which I'm not, of course, but I could be for a vacation.
Celeste: OH MY DOGGESS, IT IS YOU OF THE MOTHERLY FAME! WELCOMES BACK MY MOST FAVORITEST MOTHERLY FAME PERSON EVER!!!! *flings herself at Me*
Me: Aww, that's so sweet Celeste! I love you too.
Celeste: I love you very, very, very much times five million for the five million days you were gone. I bet you were helping those starving dogs in other parts of the world, right? Telling them how great my big sister is and how much great food I eat? Right?
Me: Sort of. There was a skinny cat who could have used some food.
Celeste: A cat? Is that like a puppy but spelled different?
Mina: No, you dimwitted non-sister of mine, she's talking about the big C, the needle-sharp clawed spawn of the feline world, she's talking about that creature who keeps visiting our backyard and pooping in our yard.
Celeste: NO! Humom wouldn't ever, ever, ever sociate with the likes of them? Would she? WOULD YOU?!?
Me: Um. Sorry?
Celeste: YOU IS FORGIVENATED!
Mina: No, you aren't. For ten pounds of food, minion, I'll pretend this whole abandoning business didn't happen. Otherwise, I'm so not talking to you.
Me: *close to tears*
Mina: Are you crying?
Me: *sobs* No! I just thought you'd be happy to see me.
Mina: Oh for the love of dog, I am overjoyed to see you minion. I like grandpa and all, but he's no minion. He lets me sleep on the chair when he's supposed to invite me on the bed. He tells me I'm a good dog but doesn't back it up with a massage. Fact is, you're the most adequate minion a pit bull like me could ask for.
Me: For real?
Mina: Yeah. For reals.
Me: *SQUEEZES MINA* You are the bested pit bull on the planet!
Mina: *glares* Darn straight. Probably the best pink-nosed dog in all of this universe.
Celeste: I'M THE BESTEST AT FALLING OFF CHAIRS!

And thus the turbulent trio were reunited once more after years of separation.

1 comment:

dozersblog said...

Dang what is up with Mummys leaving their dawgs and going away for days and days?? Honestly it couldnt have been that much fun to go away frum home to a place without dawgs.