I am not a hockey mother

Mina here: I'm taking over this blog-like device for just a second.

Please note that I have perfect lipstickified lips. I don't even have to try to make it perfect, it just is. My minion believes this clearly shows that there are more differences between me and a certain hockey mother than just lipstick.

For example, she claims I wouldn't hunt moose or caribou or put grizzly bear heads on her sofa.


Fact is, I've hunted. A lot. Check out the evidence:

This is me posing with a giant mutant rabbit I took out in the living room. It was a tough hunt, I had to traverse the rugged rug and avoid my grandmother's grand piano.


I'll even dress up in camo to confuse my prey. Yeah, I later ate that cow. She didn't even see it coming.

There's loads more evidence of my hunting prowess, but I'll stop there.

As to the grizzly bear? Well, fact is I have a lot of stuffed bears all over the place. I'm chewing on one right now as my minion types this out for me. Sometimes I "accidentally" mistake Celeste for a bear - a girl has to make sure her home isn't being invaded by dangerous and deadly bears disguised as irksome younger siblings.

However, I am not nor will I ever be a hockey mother. This is because hockey involves dangerous devices that could crush my skull - they are called hockey pucks, hockey players, and hockey fans. I don't abide by that sort of business. It's also because I don't have a uterus or ovaries. Yeah, I know about that stuff. Now, I WILL take on an oversized tennis ball. If that means I have to drill in a park for oil, darn straight I will.

Yeah, check me out. My lipstick is kicking that ball's butt. And quite frankly, I gotta tell you something - I don't care if same-sex dog pairs want to get a county license together. I support this because it will save minions everywhere money - money that can be used to help take out stuffed moose everywhere.

I'm going to talk to my minion about getting me and Celeste a joint license. I'm sure she'll think it's a great idea. I also believe in the choice to eat whatever blades of grass I want to eat...and throw them up five minutes later. Take that, minion. Anyway, I am a pit bull with natural lipstick and I endorse this post. My minion still believes there are lots more differences between me and the hockey mother, mainly the fact the hockey mother doesn't have one of me. Which is sad, really. Everyone should have one of me. I mean not me LITERALLY but dogs like me - sassy and smart, lipstick optional.