Thursday, October 22, 2009
That is French for finished, people. Be overjoyed. I am:
Truly, I am.
Anyway, I thought I would share with you my recent walk, which ended five seconds ago and was not quite what I expected. You see, I expect to do many things on my walk, anything I want, actually. My minion does not understand the word minion and seems to think she is in charge. Vexing, I tell you. Even more so is the fact that the minion brings along that one, or the not-so-little-not-sister. She may be 2.5 years old, but she has yet to learn to walk properly. This is embarrassing.
Behold! Things My Minion Did Not Let Me Do On The Walk....
My minion did not let me:
1) Pee on every single blade of grass, shrubbery, low-hanging branch, fire hydrant, dirt clod or flower bed. How on earth am I to convey my Queeninosity when I can't even show my presence?
2) Eat that dog the size of a pinto bean. Normally, I like little dogs. Do not tell them that. If news spreads that I LOVE OH MY GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE little dogs, my emo image might be tarnished. So, anyways, there was this little dog. Size of a pinto bean. Really small. But he was ready to take on the world, or at least Celeste and me, maybe. He lunged and he lunged and he crashed into the window, bouncing left and right, yelling really rude things, and generally acting a fool.
3) Eat Celeste.
4) Walk into traffic. Which I suppose is a good thing, seeing as there are idiot drivers who fail to comprehend that this world is mine. Still, there was a good smell in the middle of the asphalt, and I wanted to smell it and then pee on it.
There are probably many other things my minion didn't let me do. She did let me body slam Celeste off the sidewalk. Actually, she yelled at me for that, but whatever.
I am sure you are overjoyed I (and the not-so-little-not-sister) am back. Are back. Whatever. Savor the moment. You do not know how long it will last.