Thursday, June 18, 2009

How I killed a lion

Hey everyone, it's me Mina. I've been working on tranforming my demure, emo persona to a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) one. I thought I would start by learning to kill a lion, because I feel killing a lion is very tough and something a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) would do. Also, I was told pit bulls used to hang by the noses of 2,000 lb bulls and I figure, on a scale of HARD to SUPREMELY IMPOSSIBLE, hanging on the nose of a 2,000 lb bull was SUPER HARD while killing a lion was SUPER AWESOME NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE HARD. And because I am a quick learner, I decided to skip the bull and go straight for the big cat.

Plus, I like cows. I dressed up as one one Halloween. It was the only time I willingly dressed up too. I also got to hang out with Sadie, my minion's most favorite cow, also my most favorite cow (but please do not tell her that, that's not TOUGH PIT BULL (tm)).

I thought I should begin with a starter lion. It needed to be able to fit into my minion's apartment. I asked the minion to hunt me down one and bring it back unharmed so I could practice my super awesome TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) hunting skills.

Okay, so first I moved my head super fast to confuse the lion. Then, I pounced! and hugged the lion. You can see how shocked my starter lion is - who wouldn't be? I mean, that is a very tough TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) jumping him. But I wasn't sure if I would win the war.
I alread killed the camel and flipped him on his dead camel back - go me!

This is how I killed the lion. Flash, blurry paw and BAM! ate his head! Because I'm a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm), I even had time to look into the camera.

I feel very ready to take you on, lion!

Um, yes, well that is a very impressive lion. I mean, I am pretty certain his paw is the size of my head. Hmm, maybe we shall call it a draw. I think a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) can show some self-restraint and be fair to her opponents every now and then. Like now, for example. I can be very generous and just say, hey lion! my little not-sister Celeste is much meatier than me!

Just saying.


Anonymous said...

I alread killed the camel and flipped him on his dead camel back - go me!

The alpacas are getting worried. I'm going to have to explain to them that you're a very long way away.

Princess said...

Mina, I love your new trademarked name. I think it'll suit you well! Also I'm willing to take any lessons that you're willing to teach as I get laughed at for not being tough when I won't walk on wet grass.

Anonymous said...

Mina, I've always thought that on top of your amazing Pink Nose of Doom, you had an amazing amount of wizdom. Your quest to help maintain the worlds lion population is admirable. But, as Quizz will tell you, descrestion is the better part of valor.

Quizz's Mom

Whatever Mom!
Mina, I say get the lion! I almost got a horse! Did you see it? It was 70 million times bigger than me! It sniffed me and everything!

Your friend Quizz

Anonymous said...

PPS. You can practice on my brother Charlie, he likes to wrestle.

Anonymous said...

Mina! I think your new trademark is quite admirable, however the lion that you ate is only the "starter size".

Nicole said...

Mina, I think you are on the right track. Keep up the good work. You are looking tougher already.

Dennis the Vizsla said...

I'm not sure the question is which one of you is meatier ... I think it's which one runs faster.

Vegan Girl (Roni Seabury) said...

Oh yeah Mina, well can you do this, hmmm? Love, Sadey the ruff tought cream puff.

Anonymous said...

Mina I think mebbe you setted the TOUGH PIT BULL(tm) standard too high fer most of us... Wut with the fakt that I tend to be skeered of even little thangs like chikkens and duks I am not shore I kin ever be a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm). I did kill a Tigger once tho and I made Mummy cleen up the stuffing is that tuff enuff??

Yer pal Dozer

PS You did do a awesum job killing that starter lion. Kwik and paneless!!