Mina and Celeste Chronicles

Happy 2010!

2010-01-01T21:12:00.000-08:00

I plan on exhibiting bonus woe this year. Also, my plans at world domination will come to fruition, of that I am certain.

Hiatus Fin!

2009-10-22T18:28:00.000-07:00

That is French for finished, people. Be overjoyed. I am:

Truly, I am.

Anyway, I thought I would share with you my recent walk, which ended five seconds ago and was not quite what I expected. You see, I expect to do many things on my walk, anything I want, actually. My minion does not understand the word minion and seems to think she is in charge. Vexing, I tell you. Even more so is the fact that the minion brings along that one, or the not-so-little-not-sister. She may be 2.5 years old, but she has yet to learn to walk properly. This is embarrassing.

Behold! Things My Minion Did Not Let Me Do On The Walk....

My minion did not let me:

1) Pee on every single blade of grass, shrubbery, low-hanging branch, fire hydrant, dirt clod or flower bed. How on earth am I to convey my Queeninosity when I can't even show my presence?

2) Eat that dog the size of a pinto bean. Normally, I like little dogs. Do not tell them that. If news spreads that I LOVE OH MY GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE little dogs, my emo image might be tarnished. So, anyways, there was this little dog. Size of a pinto bean. Really small. But he was ready to take on the world, or at least Celeste and me, maybe. He lunged and he lunged and he crashed into the window, bouncing left and right, yelling really rude things, and generally acting a fool.

3) Eat Celeste.

4) Walk into traffic. Which I suppose is a good thing, seeing as there are idiot drivers who fail to comprehend that this world is mine. Still, there was a good smell in the middle of the asphalt, and I wanted to smell it and then pee on it.

There are probably many other things my minion didn't let me do. She did let me body slam Celeste off the sidewalk. Actually, she yelled at me for that, but whatever.

I am sure you are overjoyed I (and the not-so-little-not-sister) am back. Are back. Whatever. Savor the moment. You do not know how long it will last.

HIATUSES

2009-08-30T10:58:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone, it's me TEAM CELESTES!!!!

I am justs reporting that me and my most awesomest of big sisters, Mina, is on hiatuses! My bestest moms ever wants to focuses a little mores on her other blog.

We'll stills be making debuts and featureds in her other blog because she says we annoys her soooooooooooos muchs she needs to talks about us!! Mina is a little miffeds but says shes okay with a hiatuses dues to the facts it means more cookies for hers.

Not sures how longs we wills be on hiatuses but gives us at least a months!

Wordless Wednesday: Smile!

2009-08-12T17:30:00.001-07:00

Awards and Awesomeness

2009-08-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

I am happy to report that Celeste's Lion-Nose Stigmata has disappeared. This was a very embarrassing condition that made walks uncomfortable. Recreational time was okay, due to the fact I could just grab her lion-nose stigmata and pretend it was Celeste's actual nose.

Anyway, we got an award due to my beauty and awesomeness. My minion considers this rather self-indulgent and egomaniacal, but what does she know?

The award we received from Daisy who is a pit bull with a pinkish nose, which makes her pretty cool. Celeste does not like to speak of Daisy due to the fact she is Dozer's boyfriend and this makes Celeste jealous.

So I have to give seven beauty secrets and then pass it along to seven other bloggers:

1) Roll in the grass for an absolutely delightful scent that will make all the dogs go wild, including the annoying french poodle next door.
2) Get a lot of sleep, preferably 18-22 hours daily.
3) Stay in shape by chasing around you not so little not sister.
4) Streeeeetch. A lot. Stretch in the morning, afternoon and evening, before and after naps, after meals and right before you head bonk your minion (this will keep you limber and provide entertainment).
5) Paint your nose pink.
6) Eat flaxseed oil, like ten capsules a day or a whole bottle so you will be glossy and shiny.
7) Floss. Maybe with your not so littler not sister's leg. Or not.

Seven bloggers:
1) Addy
2) Dannan (handsome secrets, not beauty secrets of course)
3) Princess
4) Amber
5) Luce
6) Bella
7) Baily

So if winning an award wasn't great enough, Dozer also passed on a meme promoting awsomeness. Now, I am surprised Dozer actually shared this as he's been known to not share things. So, in his honor, I'm not sharing this meme with ANYONE. Ha!

Seven reasons why I, Mina, is Awesome:
1) Pink nose of doom.
2) Perfectly shaped ears.
3) Ability to sleep through an earthquake.
4) My emo and angsty nature
5) PINK NOSE OF DOOM (differs from #1 in many ways that I cannot articulate)
6) I do not stoop to the depths of slor where my not-so-little-not-sister lives
7) I have a fan club.

I has the stigmatas

2009-07-24T17:27:00.000-07:00

Hey everyones, it's me Team CELESTES!!!!1!! And boy do I has some very important news - I has the stigmatas! Mina says this means I'm the second comings of the satins, but I thinks I'm really the second comings of Rin Tin Tins. Or Lassies!

Here is my evidences:

Please feel free to send money to my Campaign of Woe

2009-07-13T15:22:00.001-07:00

I am starting a Campaign of Woe. Every time I turn around, there is the minion with her clicky-shooty device.

Instead of cookies, click!

Instead of adoration and praise, snap!

What is wrong with her? Many things, let me tell you. But mostly this whole camera fetish.

Anyway, I am starting a Campaign of Woe so that you, dear canid reader, may bear witness to the abuse and mistreatment and humiliation I must endure at the hands of my minion and her camera.

Thank you for your time. I accept cookies, peanut butter and carrots as donations.

Is that a horse following me?

2009-07-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

The minion of Mina and bestest mom ever of Celeste has this to report. I'm sure Mina and Celeste have their own commentary. But I have excluded it. Ha, opposable thumbs for the win!

-----

There is a time and place for everything and yesterday it was the time and the place for Celeste to meet horses for the first time. Mainly, it was the time and the place because, well, there were the horses and there was Celeste, sticking her nose through the fence to see the horses. Mina followed suit because Mina wanted to make sure Celeste knew that Mina knew whatever it was Celeste knew. That is how Mina rolls.

Of course, I must point out that Celeste did not actually go up to the fence because there were four large horse heads attached to four large horse bodies. She went over there because it smelled interesting. And when the horses snorted, her strange little ears perked up, she sniffed the air, and then BAM! realized there were four large horse heads attached to four large horse bodies three feet away.

After I took this picture, I told Celeste she was a ninny for being unafraid of horses but petrified a new dog might sniff her butt. She could not answer due to the fact she was sniffing noses with a horse and that was hard work, requiring the same amount of concentration one might give to, I don't know, understanding string theory.

Mina has met horses and cattle and goats and pigs and sheep - she feels they should be sniffed once and then ignored utterly and completely. So while Celeste acknowledged the horses desire for her NOT to be in the pasture with them, Mina thought they were all silly little equines. She walked behind their hooves, under them, in front of them, feigning utter disinterest in the presence of these 1,000 lb animals. I told the horses they were all very big and beautiful and please to not be minding the very small and demure pit bull lurking behind their left hooves. They were all very impressed with my speech, demanded more scratches and were considerate enough not to send Mina flying with those left hooves. I told Mina this was all a very bad idea, that she should perhaps choose another location to look adorable.

So she did. She wandered jauntily further afield. Truly, she jaunted. And if that is not an actual variation of jaunty, it should be added to the dictionary. One horse took it upon herself to act like she had in fact chased the mighty pit bull away and followed Mina at a measured, but leisurely stroll. The horse conveyed to me she was not strolling but was walking with purpose. I wasn't convinced. Neither was Mina who ignored the approaching mare in that special way she has.

No, I did not race across the field to save Mina. I feel a little bad about this but temper my feelings with the fact that my coworker did race across the field to, in his words, "defend Mina from that horse". That horse was easily distracted by butt scratches, which is how I often distract Mina and Celeste from doing inappropriate things like eating wood, grass, chasing squirrels (does not work), eating cats (also does not work), licking themselves, chewing on the table, chewing on what they thought was a toy but was actually my remote control, etc. ad naseum.

In any event, Mina and Celeste bonded with the horses. The horses bonded with me. I nearly bonded too much with a wooden post after one horse got angry over something and shoved the horse I was petting into me and thus into the wooden post. I shook my fist, which they ignored. I threatened them with my pit bull, who had by now returned to stand behind the left rear hoof of the horse who had me pinned to the post. And when this did not work, I scratched her butt. She had to lean a little to the right to appreciate the scratching, which gave me enough room to escape the wooden post.

And then Mina snorted and snorted and snorted and snorted. And I thought she was going to snort out her lung but realized she was trying to snort out a fox-tail. We abandoned the horses in favor of vets and ended our day with a $233 vet bill for the removal of a bloody, two-inch useless piece of grass.

And to answer the question, yes there is a horse following you. Scratch her butt and you will be okay. Watch out for wooden posts.

Wordless Wednesday: Mina

2009-07-08T17:36:00.000-07:00

My opinion on 4th of July

2009-07-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

<--- This is my general assessment of 4th of July.

Does it celebrate my awesomeness? No.

Does it rejoice in the pinkness of my nose? No.

Does it provide me with delicious food? No.

Does it allow me to sleep for thirty-five hours straight? No.

Does it magically disappear Celeste, my not-so-little-little-sister? NO.

So what does 4th of July do for me? It does a horrible thing by starting an apparent war in my front yard. I am embarrassed to admit this, but while I am unafraid of many things (like other dogs and fences), I cannot claim to be a fan of fireworks. First, fire? Wrong. Fire is only good in a fireplace where I may roast myself in safety (in front of the fireplace, of course). And fire working? That is absolutely unacceptable. Wrong! Against all that is canid and good!

In any event, I don't like fireworks and thus I do not like the 4th of July (which also brings out a lot of waving flags, which I also do not like, mainly because they are not Mina flags).

I will be spending this 4th of July at my grandparents where working fire is absolutely 1000% prohibited, by order of ME.

To the rest of you canids who must endure working fire, I suggest the bathroom. It's cool. It's dark. It's a very safe place. If a tornado hits during the fireworks, the bathtub can double as an anti-tornado device.

The Secret Life of Pit Bulls and Pumpkins

2009-06-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

*Polaroid texture

Wordless Wednesday: Team Celeste!

2009-06-24T17:41:00.001-07:00

How I killed a lion

2009-06-18T15:23:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, it's me Mina. I've been working on tranforming my demure, emo persona to a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) one. I thought I would start by learning to kill a lion, because I feel killing a lion is very tough and something a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) would do. Also, I was told pit bulls used to hang by the noses of 2,000 lb bulls and I figure, on a scale of HARD to SUPREMELY IMPOSSIBLE, hanging on the nose of a 2,000 lb bull was SUPER HARD while killing a lion was SUPER AWESOME NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE HARD. And because I am a quick learner, I decided to skip the bull and go straight for the big cat.

Plus, I like cows. I dressed up as one one Halloween. It was the only time I willingly dressed up too. I also got to hang out with Sadie, my minion's most favorite cow, also my most favorite cow (but please do not tell her that, that's not TOUGH PIT BULL (tm)).

I thought I should begin with a starter lion. It needed to be able to fit into my minion's apartment. I asked the minion to hunt me down one and bring it back unharmed so I could practice my super awesome TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) hunting skills.

Okay, so first I moved my head super fast to confuse the lion. Then, I pounced! and hugged the lion. You can see how shocked my starter lion is - who wouldn't be? I mean, that is a very tough TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) jumping him. But I wasn't sure if I would win the war.

I alread killed the camel and flipped him on his dead camel back - go me!

This is how I killed the lion. Flash, blurry paw and BAM! ate his head! Because I'm a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm), I even had time to look into the camera.

I feel very ready to take you on, lion!

Photo by Corey Leopold

Um, yes, well that is a very impressive lion. I mean, I am pretty certain his paw is the size of my head. Hmm, maybe we shall call it a draw. I think a TOUGH PIT BULL (tm) can show some self-restraint and be fair to her opponents every now and then. Like now, for example. I can be very generous and just say, hey lion! my little not-sister Celeste is much meatier than me!

Just saying.

We're back!

2009-06-10T15:51:00.000-07:00

Mina here and wow has the minion dropped the ball. Not literally. I don't chase balls so she can drop them all day if she likes, they'll just sit there and look silly.

Anyways, the minion has been emo and mopey which may suit me perfectly well but on humans, it's just embarrassing. For them. And me, really.

But we're back and, well, not much happened worth reporting except that Celeste ate a dead moth, killed a cockroach and tried eating fifteen bees. Which is typical Celeste, really.

While we were gone, we received an award. Me, really. I mean, is there not a good reason why my name is pronounced Meeeena? There is. It's all about me, which is why it should have been spelled Menaisthebestdogintheworld. But it isn't.

On to the award!

First, we got a Creative Blogger award, though whoever created the word exhibited shockingly poor spelling skills and called it Kreativ. I don't care if that's supposed to be a play on creativity.

Anywho, we got this award from Princess, who is also a pit bull like me and from the Quizz, who has appropriately awesome ears. There are rules, which I abhor, but which I will follow for the sake of etiquette.

The rules for this award are:

1. Post it to the blog and link to who gave it to you.
2. List seven things you love.
3. List seven blogs you love.
4. Comment on those blogs and let them know you’ve given them the award.

Seven things I love:

1) Sleeping on my stomach
2) Sleeping on my back
3) Sunbathing curled up in a doughnut
4) Sunbathing stretched out like a rubber band gets all stretched out when it's stretched
5) The minion
6) The minion's parents
7) Nose bopping stuff for food.

Seven blogs I love and who also may have received this award during my minion's pathetic departure
1) Bella, who is a Boxer dog
2) Amber and her puppies
3) The Dogfathers (and Carmela)
4) Peepers, the rooster
5) Luce, Mushroom and Steve
6) Dannan, the little brown dog
7) Me. Because I can.

There will be more to come when the minion gets her act together even more. My little not-sister might even make an appearance with her bizarre and unfortunate misuse of the letter "s". Stay tuned!

How I earneds my Worst Dogs Labels!!!

2009-05-22T10:22:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, it's me Team CELESTES!!!1!!

My bestest moms has given me a brands news titles!!! She's called me the Worst Dogs in the Worlds!! I thinks this should be an awards.

I earneds this title on last weeks walks. My bestest mom and mes were all Lets go for a walks and Mina was all, uh no I don't thinks so. So it was just me and the moms.

Anyways, it starteds off goods, but then I was all Heys! lets go over theres!!! And my mom is all Hey, let's not. But I went off over theres anyways. Then my moms stood very stills and I couldn't figure out whys and I couldn't get over theres because of the darneds leash! SO I pulleds and pulleds and I whineds and I pulleds some more trying to conveys my messages. She ignoreds me!!

So then I decideds on a new tactics called Circling the Wagons and Tripping Thems! But change wagons to moms and you gets the ideas. So I circleds the wagons and tripped her and then she fells down which I thought meants we should plays. She did not thinks so and she actually yelleds at me!!

Well fine I says, two can plays the yelling games so I yelleds at a trees, a squirrels, a loose dogs, a leashed dogs, and two very funny looking birds. I was thinkings of yelling at a phone poles when my moms says ENOUGHS!! minus the S and then she just turns arounds! I didn't want to turns arounds so I trieds to go back to yellings at the birds, but she just tugged me alongs like I was a dog on a leashes!!! Rudes is what I tells her!

So then I figures I should shows her how awesomes I am and we shoulds go back to finish the walks. I do this by leapings from her left sides to her right sides and barreling into an old lady! I thought this would shows that I is very friendly and I kept my loose leashes and now can we finishes the walks!?!?!

My moms was appalleds, APPALLEDS is how I she puts it. Minus the S.

Anyways, we gots home and she would not talks to me all days long and when she finally dids, she called me the Worst Dogs in the Worlds! Mina laugheds and saids she knews that the very first time she laids eyes on me and I trieds to eat her noses. Mina didn't actually laugh because we don'ts laugh, but she did snorts in a very unladylikes way.

So thats how I earneds my new titles. I'll shares it with you ANY TIMES!!

How Is plays! And how Mina doesnt's!

2009-05-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, it's me TEAM CELESTES!!!

Yesterdays, my most awesome of moms took pictures. She claimeds me and my sisters was not workings with hers, but I claims she's silly!

First offs, she tooks a pictures of me rights when I was abouts to eats a toys! This is forbiddens! My biggest, bestest sisters is standings in the background doing somethings, I don't knows whats because I was lookings at the toys.
Then she tooks this pictures which she says makes me looks like a kangaroos or a strange creatures. I says SHE'S a stranges creatures!! Mina is busy smellings grasses because Mina is always making sures we don'ts has any invasions of mutant squirrels. I has never ever mets a mutant squirrels but Mina tells me alls the time about how in her younger days she hads to battle with Flavius, the king of the mutant squirrels. I don'ts knows how long squirrels lives but just in cases, you shoulds be on high alerts for Flavius. In this pictures, I am on high alerts for dinosaurs. That's how I hones my skillz. And just sos you knows, I killeds that dinosaurs goods, which so fars, is the only successful huntings expeditions. My moms says that's goods, but in cases of apocalpyses, I shoulds really brushes up on my huntings skillz.

Finally, here's a pictures of my bestests sisters evers! She's holdings stills, so I thinks this qualifies as Mina workings with my moms. Don't be fooleds by Mina's very tragics looks. She's masters of suckerings my moms into giving her loves and cookies with these looks. I is working VERY hards at these looks but my moms says this looks belows is SO not worthy of cookies. I says NOT FAIRS!

Awarded!

2009-05-10T13:30:00.001-07:00

Mina here and first off let me just say one thing: Never get sedated. Do not listen to that Ramones song, you do not want to get sedated. Trust me. My minion told me that the cyst was a fibrous sarcoma which means I had cancer. And I survived, because that is how I roll. This is a limiting cancer because the rest of my body would kick its ass if it spread its cancerous wings. That's right.

Anyways, we got an award from The Brown Dog Blog because I am full of awesomeness.

Here's the info:
*As a dedication for those who love blogging activity and love to encourage friendships through blogging.
*To seek the reason why we all love blogging.
*Put the award in one post as soon as you receive it.
*Don’t forget to mention the person who gives you the award.
*Answer the Award’s question by writing the reason why you love blogging.
*Tag and distribute the Award to as many people as you like.
*Don’t forget to notify the Award receivers and put their links in your post

I blog because it was yet one more way for me to further the pink nose of doom and its causes. Those causes are my own, of course, but my PNOD likes to receive much of the credit. I cannot say I love to blog, per se, because I love to sleep more. However, I probably love blogging more than the teeth of my annoying not-sister, Celeste. I definitely love blogging more than I do the french poodle next door who is always bungling the doggie language with his french accent. He's actually a maltipoo, not a poodle, but he's still french. Point being, I like blogging alright.

I'm going to give this blog award to:

Amber and her seven puppies who just suffered their first indignity - a bath!
Princess Fiona for enduring pyoderma with class and style.

I is traineds part deux!

2009-05-06T14:00:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone, it's me, Team Celestes!!!!1!!. This pictures is a portrait of my youngers self trainings my bigger sisters to shares. She is stills in trainings for this very importants issues!

Yesterdays was my very first days of trainings! Remembers, I is already traineds but my most awesome of mom's thinks this will helps my self-esteems around dogs.

The classes was full of lots of peoples, which I loves, and lots of dogs, which I felts was a bit weirds since I was tolds it was all about MY TRAININGS. I got lots of treats and that is also a goods things!

There was a mop-dogs named Bella who I thought might be friends with mes but we are nots alloweds to approachs the other dogs. This is goods because I do not likes most dogs approachings me at alls. There was also a miniature Australian Shepherds who kept yellings at me, but who I wouldn't gives the times of days. There was a Mina-dogs, a Boxer-dogs, a ginormously larges mastiff-dogs, a babys doberman pinschers dogs and a dogs who looked sorta likes me but without the cool eyes and awesome temperaments.

We sat (I knows sit, silly trainers!) and we downeds (I know downs, stilly trainers!) and we did some FOCUSES on our peoples (I know FOCUSES, silly trainers!)

All in all, I hads a lots of fun at the trainings. This shall continues next weeks when I goes to trainings agains. I is working hards on being the tops of my classes so I can impresses Mina with my mad skillz!

Mina is full of woe

2009-05-04T14:32:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much for all the kind well-wishes, I really appreciate them.

Mina's surgery was successful, though now there is a two-inch incision site on her chest and, holy crap did you know how long canine teeth are? Like an inch long underneath the gumline. They showed me her tooth and I was like wow! I politely declined keeping it.

They couldn't find anything on her radiograph either at the shoulder or elbow. The vet is thinking it might be neurological or spinal, so we might try acupuncture.

She is so wonky and groggy right now, it breaks my heart. And when she woke up, she immediately freaked out and started chewing on the bars, cutting her tongue. It bled so much the vet staff thought she had done major damage so she was anesthetized again. I hate that that happened.

It ended up being a $100 cheaper than the estimate, so yay for that. I'll find out about the cyst biopsy in a day or so, keep your fingers crossed.

My mom was kind enough to hang out with me for the day, keeping me sane. I love her.

Anyway, the little pink nose of doom is finally settling into Celeste's bed and might even deign to take a nap. I don't know how people with multiple unhealthy animals deal with this, it just sucks.

Mina surgery

2009-05-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

Hey, Mina's minion here. She's letting me borrow the blog for a moment.

On Monday, Miss Mina will be getting some surgery - a tooth removal, a cyst removal and some radiographs for her intermittently lame right shoulder.

If you can spare some good thoughts for the little bugger, that would be great. I'm way more worried than she is, of course. :)

Hows we fight swine flu!

2009-04-27T16:47:00.001-07:00

Hey everyones, it's me Team Celestes!!!! and I'm heres to tell you hows we fights the swine flus. Now, firsts offs, let me say that I do nots think the swine flu is funny, per se, because I hears that some hoomans have actuallys dieds from this! Which is sads, because hoomans have always been nices to me and my mom is a hoomans so I woulds like them not to dies from the flus. Soooo, in orders to protects my moms and all yous other hoomans, I has created a coupld of methods I thinks will protects from the flus. My moms says she does not endorses these methods, but *I* endorses these methods and that shoulds be enough!

Here's our methods

Methods Une: Looks everywheres!

Mina looks to the lefts (her rights) to makes sures there's no swine flus over there and I looks to the rights (my rights) and make sures there's no swine flus over there toos.

As you can sees, neithers of us has swine flus, so this is a very effective methods for evading the swine flus!

Method Deux: Looks in same directions!

Nows, if the swine flus is tryings to attack from lefts and then rights, it's very, very, very, VERY likelys it will trys to attacks from the fronts. It is also common knowledges that swine flus do not attack from behinds, because swine flus is actually not deviouss but quites polite in attackings from left, right or fronts.

Anyways, this is how we detects the swine flus from the fronts. You must also holds your breaths, which I cants do, but I also cants gets the swine flus.

Methods Trois: Go nekkids!
Here's Mina's most favoritest methods of avoidings the swine flus - go nekkids!

My moms says this is not possibles for hoomans in most circumstances so I suggests an alternatives by wearings a collar with yours name on its, likes I do...collars are likes clothes, rights? Rights!

Anyways, we hopes these three methods helps you helps yourself to avoids the swine flues. We also hopes this whole flus thing does nots get too craaaazy and hurts lots of hoomans, because I likes hoomans. I also likes swines, because I mets one once at my mom's works and he was very polites and didn't give me or my moms any diseases, so I don't thinks he's the causes of the swine flus.

Signing offs,
CELESTE!

I has the awards!

2009-04-27T16:09:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone, it's me, Team Celeste!!!! and I am announcing awards that I and the sisters has receiveds!!!! Go me. And sisters!

First, Daisy and Quizz gave us this award!! Thank yous!

“The award states that “This blog invests and believes in PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time, and relationships!”

In other words, “These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Wows, I don't knows what exceedingly means, but I is definitely not self-grandizes! Now, I'm not sures how many of yous already gots this award and if we gives it to you TWICES or THRICES, I thinks that is okays.

1) Amber Mae who just had puppies but isn't at all grandizings!
2) Princess because she has a cutes noses, just like my sisters!
3) Dozer's mom for being such a pit bulls advocate, even if maybes she didn't really starts out as one!
4-7) The Brown Dogs (and one black dog) - Maisy, Probert, Wrigley and newest addition Addison who like broccoli and being cutes...my kinds of dogss!
8) Boris who is a very handsomes dogs and who needs to updates his blogs more!

And then wes gots this awards too!!

It's a fans!!! Now, I has no opinions on fans, but my most awesomest of sisters LOVES fans. Sometimes, my bestest of moms takes the fans and puts it downs on the grounds right in fronts of Mina's noses!! She loves its, which I think says somethings about her coolnessess!

Nows, I pretty muchs loves all your blogs, becauses that is how I rolls as a dog.

So I cants really specify whos blogs should gets this awards, but if you hasn't gotten its already, please takes this as me awardings it to yous! Yes, yous!

Okay, my moms going through some pictures ands she may posts somes of them soons. I'm sures your alls holding your breathes in anticipations!

Signings offs,
CELESTES!!!!!!

Minimal Word Wednesday

2009-04-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

Mina here and I have conquered the earth. You can see this fact in the photo. Except you can't, because my minion sucks.

However, this photo does play upon my mysterious, moody self with its dark shadow. That, I approve.

My minion wanted to get a shot for earth day, which she blathers on about as a meaningless gesture in a world about to end. I have to remind her that *I* am the Queen of Emo and Woe, thank you very much.

So, Happy Emo Day - I hope it was as woeful for you as it always is for me.

I'm hot

2009-04-20T15:02:00.000-07:00

And I don't just mean good-looking, which I am. I mean, it's 94 right now when it's supposed to be 74. This is a picture from 2008 showing how I feel about hot days.

I like them. A lot. They make me smile and I can stretch luxuriously in the grass, bathed in glorious sunlight. Today I decided I would take a nap in the sun. Now, according to the minion, we live in an apartment complex and the front yard is *technically* not mine to just gad about in. Whatever gad about means, it does not sound like something I would do (Celeste, maybe). So she was perturbed that I dropped with a mighty sigh in the middle of the grass. I told her my beauty was far more important than her comfort. This left her unamused (does not take much, btw).

Anyways, I demanded the minion get a book and read a bit while I enjoyed my time in the spotlight of sun-star shiny goodness. I pointedly reminded her that *I COULD NOT READ* (I talk fine) even though I would like to, so she should be a bit more appreciative that I even let her read while I sunbathed. Again, not amused. Whatever. The minion lasted five minutes before being defeated by the sun-star. I, of course, could have lasted hours, but I decided to let the minion feel okay by sitting next to her in the shade.

Then we went inside where Celeste claimed the sun was The Global Warmings (her words) and she would defeat it properly one of these days. I think this is a great idea and we should send Celeste up in a rocket ship to the sun where she can battle it one-on-one in a duel. Minion, as usual, did not find my suggestion appealing.

I am a bibliophile

2009-04-14T20:21:00.001-07:00

You may not have known this, but I am, in fact, a lover of books. And no, not just books I can eat (according to the minion, that is none).

Here is some evidence of me and my love of books. This is a whole stack of books, and I am ITCHING to dig in and read my little pit bull heart away.

But what is this? I do not have opposable thumbs? These pages do not turn themselves? Wait, I cannot read? What is this tomfoolery?

Anyway, I guess it is okay that I can't actually read. It seems to take up a lot of my minion's time, which should be focused on me, myself and I, oh yeah, and my PNOD. Instead, she checks out book after book after book from the library. That stack you see? Yes, she hasn't read any of those books due to the library's interference. Which is still moot, these books of many words are stealing my minion from me and I feel it must stop. I might have to enlist the help of my not-so-little not-sister. She once ate part of a book and was demoted to my minion's #150th favorite dog. I am willing to sacrifice Celeste's promotion points for the good cause of Stealing Back my Minion from the Clutches of Libraries Everywhere.

WOE!

2009-04-07T18:28:00.000-07:00

This is where I imagined myself today - out in the green, verdant fields gazing wistfully off into the distance.

Instead, I'm sitting behind the minion, glaring daggers as she writes this post for me. It's raining, which I feel is entirely inappropriate on April 7 in California. This is probably not just a feeling but a scientific fact that has yet to be discovered by one of the bipeds with thumbs.

I don't like the rain. I have three rain jackets and booties and none are effective in removing those pesky droplets from my doghood.

Even worse is Celeste's belief that the world is generally good and since rain comes from the world, it too must be generally good. She also chases butterflies off cliffs. Just saying.

I has the grasses!!!

2009-03-30T19:57:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone, it's me TEAM CELESTE!!!!1!! and I has grasses!!! Here is a pictures of me with the grasses! My most awesomest of sisters says I look like a devil hounds, but I tells her that if I was a devils hound than that makes her a devil hounds sisters!!!! She says I'm not her real sisters, I says the bonds of sisterhoods knows no genetic markers!!

Anyways, no I is not growlings, but I AM chewings on grasses at my grandparents house. Their grasses tastes a lot funniers than the grasses at my most bestest mom's houses, which is why my most bestest mom says I throws up alls the time after eatings the grandparent's grasses. My most awesomest of big sisters says I throws up the grasses because it's the devils trying to purge me of goodnesses. Then I tells her she throws up grasses too.

This is her responses:

Mina: I am not amused by Celeste or by you. I am sleeping, zen-like and tranquil, far away from the maddening not-sister and the camera-toting minion. And I do not throw up grass, I gently cough up that which is unworthy of my digestive system. There is a difference.

I is traineds!

2009-03-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

Hey, it's me TEAM CELESTE!!!!1!! and I is traineds!

Wells, that's what I tolds my moms, anyways, but she says I is NOT traineds! Liar!

Anyways, so my moms and I wents to the trainings and boy, let me tells you somethings - trainings is both a scary place and super super super fulls of peoples!

I was all scareds because the floors was all weirds and there were all these strange smells that were not me, my sisters or my moms. But! Then there was a humans with coooooookies who saids I was tenses and cutes but mainly tenses. I likes peoples. A lots. Even more so than my own mom, who says that I shames my family every times I abandons hers. Well, I says, she shoulds give me cookies ALLS the times like these other humans and then I glues myself to her legs! She says, neverminds.

I gots over my tenseness and the trainers says I can trains! So even thoughs I'm already traineds, I'm goings to becomes a professionally traineds dog. I'm doing it fors the cookies!

Anyways, here's a pictures of my past selfs:

Runs away, trainings aheads, trainings aheads!!!

I is goings to the trainings!!!

2009-03-23T19:17:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, it's me TEAM CELESTES!!!11! And guess whats?!? I is goings to go trainings tomorrows with my BEST MOM EVERS! I do not knows what this trainings is and my BEST MOM EVERS says I has betters not eats the other dogs, but I thinks it involves C-O-O-K-I-E-S and facts is I loves cookies!

Anyways, this is my reactions to when the BEST MOM EVERS saids trainings was happenings!

Haha, huhs?

Anyways, I'm nots 100,000% sures if I will likes trainings (I will likes cookies forever) but my BEST MOM EVERS says we gots to trys our bestests. Wells, I hopes she tries her bestests because I ALWAYS am bestest, excepts when my most awesomests of biggest sisters does somethings. Then she is the bestests. I'll lets you knows how the trainings go and if they kicks us out or whats.

Oh waits, my BEST MOM EVERS wants to say somethings!!!

I only want to comment to clarify that Celeste is a fear-aggressive dog around other dogs. Not full-out "I'll eat you" aggressive, but snarly, ZOMG!!! Get away from me! I will die! aggressive. The training club is allowing Celeste to come for an evaluation to see if she can be in group classes or if I have to save up money for a private trainer. I'm certainly crossing my fingers that she will do okay - she doesn't need to play with the others, just ignore them and focus on me (which is her preferred modus operandi when unknown dogs approach her).

I rule and you know it

2009-03-22T14:09:00.001-07:00

I had the minion post this picture back in December, because that is how I roll. I hear she remade it into a less colorful but equally awesome photo that should be posted. It's not just because I look darn good (when do I not?). Actually, that's exactly why. I think it's a perfectly valid reason.

Minion considers dog a lamb

2009-03-19T16:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the minion arrived late. And why did the minion arrive late and then not take me (and the not-sister) on a walk? Because she was cheating on me, that's why. She tells me that she just HAD to take pictures of - in her words - "lambkins". Lambkins? Whatever.

So she shows me the photos of the "lambkins" and what do I see? This:

Now, I am not one to be too judgmental and I am certainly not the jealous type but two things struck me about this photo as odd. One - not enough lambkins. Two - that black and white creature trotting along in front is not a lambkin or a lamb or even an ovine. That is a dog. I repeat, A DOG (capitalized to emphasize the DOGGNESS of the dog).

She tried to fool me again with this picture, claiming you could barely see the dog. You know, the one lying down in the front corner of the picture? Yes, charmingly easy to miss that creature.

I told the minion she has a lot of making up to do including taking me on a ten-mile stroll (or 3-miles) and taking pictures of my pink nose of doom. Lots of them. Oh, and she has to get rid of that little not-sister fast. On that account, she refuses. She always does.

At the very least, she did not bring the dog home, claiming he was having way too much fun working. Then - get this - she implied that *I* don't work enough, that maybe *I* should get a job. I say monitoring my minion and keeping her on the straight and narrow path, except when we should be romping in the big open field, IS my job. And a hard one at that. Geez, no appreciation here.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-18T18:57:00.001-07:00

How I Avoids Gettings My Souls Stolens!

2009-03-14T15:28:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, it's me TEAM CELESTE!!!!!11!! for the wins!

Todays my very very very favoritests mom was trying to steals my souls with a camera! Forbiddens is what I tells her and she says SAY CHEESE!!! and I says CHEESE?!? feeds me! And she ignores me and stills trys to steal my souls.

Soooos, I came up with an ingenious ways to avoids the souls stealings. Pleases to be giving you evidences so you toos can avoid souls stealings!

Steps Un: RARWS! Yells extra louds to expels ebil spirits that the camera can steals from you. You donts need ebil spirits but the ebil spirits dont knows that.

Steps Deux: ROLLS OVERS!!!! Shows off yours awesomes belly! Alsos, very important - hides your noses!!! Noses sometimes leak souls, so its very important to hides them from the souls stealings camera!

Steps Trois: Completes your rolls over and voilas!!! SUCCESSES, your souls has been saved.

I do nots suggest trying this whiles running very fasts. I trieds this once and ran into a fences!! My mom claims my most awesomest of big sisters was actuallys TRYINGS to get me to run intos a fence, but would this faces do such an ebil things to me?!?!?

I thinks not!

TEAM CELESTE FOR THE WINS!

Mina circa 2005

2009-03-11T13:25:00.001-07:00

MASSIVE HUNTING EXPEDITION PART TROIS

2009-03-09T18:17:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, it's me Team CELESTE!!!!!1!! FOR THE WINS!

Okays, so this "RABBIT" (read = food) is actuallys from the sanctuarys where my mom works and she says I cannots ever ever eats him. WUT?!?

Anyways, 'nufs about this stooopids rabbits who I can't eats, let's talks about yesterdays MASSIVE HUNTING EXPEDITION PART TROIS.

My mom and my biggest most awesomest of sisters went to a parks where I picked the path and gots us lost (accordings to the mom and sister, but not accordings to me!)

Then I saws food and I says "MOM, I'll solves our lost problems by catchings us some foods!!!" and my mom was all "What are you talking about?" So then I rans off real fast like and charged after the foods with all mights. My moms was encouraging-like with her yellings; I'm pretty sures she was tellings me I was such a good, good dog and that I had not shamed my family for taking the wrong paths!

Turns out these rabbit creatures are uber fast; I mean almost as fast that big buck I nearly ated. I almosts ated the rabbit when outs of nowheres I was brutally attacked by a rocks. Maybe even two rocks. The rocks not only tripped me but smacked me goods in the eye. RUDE!

So my foods got away and I had to hang my head and return to the mom in shame. She praiseds me so I think I mights try capturing foods again so I can gets praises! Mina said I was a loser with no sense of directions. Directionless losers for the wins!!! YAY TEAM CELESTE!!!

Mina in mah kitchen, helping with mah cooking

2009-03-04T18:14:00.001-08:00

Portrait of an evil not sister as a young puppy

2009-02-24T20:48:00.000-08:00

Mina here and boy do I have some Serious News to report. Just last week, evidence emerged that my little not sister is in fact evil. This came in the form of a blatant attack on my doghood over a toy that was originally mine to begin with. Celeste claims possession is 10/10ths of the law but since she also claims Goose Poop is a vegetable, I have little faith in her ability at logic. In any event, Celeste has a history of improper use of teeth. Please see below.

Article 1: Improper Mouth: Tennis Ball Size Ratio

Article II: Holding onto a rope toy longer than permitted by Mina Code of Conduct; Article 5; Section IV, the Paramount Tuggy Terms of Dangling

Article III: Inability to distinguish teddy bear from my foot.

Article IV: Very first attempt at eating my PNOD.

Article V: The most damning evidence of all, an attempt at Killing Me that she failed due to my most awesome of skills called Dodge to Left Immediately Before Large Fence. Works every time, by the way.

I am okay, because I am an Awesome Dog full of Magical Canine Properties that deter attacks from little not sisters who seem to think MY toys are HER toys. And while she did in fact gain possession of that Ghost in a Pumpkin stuffy, I retained ownership of the minion's undying devotion which usually involves cookies. I feel this is a sufficient reward to the little not sisters unruly (and might I add, dangerous to my PNOD!) behavior.

Why aren't we worth it?

2009-02-18T13:21:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, it's me Mina. I'm here to talk a little bit about this puppy. This puppy does not have a name. This puppy is, according to my minion, dead.

I asked the minion why this puppy was dead. Apparently this puppy was a danger to society. Which I very well believe, having lived through several puppies, including my little not-sister Celeste (whose teeth were so dangerous they needed a warning label). But even *I* would not kill Celeste over her massively sharp teeth (I'd eat her but she doesn't fit in my mouth or stomach).

In any event, apparently this puppy was killed because his previous owner (who he never met) was a dog fighter. I'm not sure about the adult dogs as they were not even given a simple chance at a behavioral test. Even *I* was given that chance at a very high-kill (read: death to my kind) shelter. How could this little ball of fluff (and puppy teeth) not be given that chance? How could the adult dogs who may have been a lot like me, afraid but wanting to interact with people not even be given a behavioral test?

I don't think it's very fair. I'm generally a good dog (eating my little not-sister excluded) and I pretty much rule, but if I had had the misfortune of being a breeder for this dog fighter (instead of the jerkwad who used to "own" me), I'd be dead without any consideration for my temperament (which is so beyond awesome, it's above the stratosphere).

What a shame. These dogs are just like me and, like me, should have been given one small chance at hope and a minion of their very own. A chance. Why aren't we worth even that?

If you are a pit bull, go tell your minions right this second that you rule and that they should give you extra love. Remind them, just in case they forget, that you are worth every heartache, $$ spent for trainers and medical costs, and that you rule. I'm pretty sure these dogs, had they been given a chance, would have liked that opportunity.

Attack of the Collars!

2009-02-16T18:09:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, it's ME TEAM CELESTE!!!!1! I hopes y'alls are doing goods. I is doing so greats it's not even funny (it's funniest!) My mom, who is brilliants, boughts me and the big sis each a collar of epic proportions!! She tooks photos sos you could sees how awesomes we ares!

Here's my new brand collars! I calls it Bubbles Universes of Orders! My sister says it looks likes I gots pimples on my collars. I told her her noses is one big pimples. Then she ates me! But she spits me back up cuz I don't fits in her throats and she says I don't tastes so goods. Ha! I wins!

Here I is with my new collar but guesses whats? My mom actually cuts my noses off! I hads to check that I stills had noses cuz this pictures makes me look stoopid and noselesses.

I gaves my mom my best "TEAM CELESTE: NOT AMUSEDS" look.

This is its, my TEAM CELESTE: NOT AMUSEDS! look.

Now ontos my most awesomenesst of sisters, Mina! I has to says, she gots a really neato collars and I am a bit jealous of hers. She says grows up - I says I AM grows up!

Heres it is! Isn't it perdy? I mean not as perdy as my Bubbles Universes of Orders but stills pretty.

Ha ha! Mom cuts off Mina's noses too!!

This doesn't shows Mina's new collars but I includes it cuz I thinks it shows Mina's softers side. Here she is with Barbar II and though her lips is all curleds up it's not cuz she's mean, it's cuz Barbar II is fats. I thinks she looks sooooo cutes in this pictures plusses she is SOOOO embarrasseds by it (she says it makes her looks fats but it doesn'ts so she shoulds stops worrying!)

Anyways, thats alls! Mom also broughts home cooooookiiiiessss to makes up for the new collars in cases we didn't likes them. We dids, though, but we acted likes we didn't so gots lots of cookies.

To meme or not to meme

2009-02-08T12:59:00.001-08:00

It's me, Mina, ruler of all that is canid and good and possessor of the almighty Pink Nose of Doom (PNOD). Me and my little not-sister have been tagged for some memifying. Celeste has been disqualified because she went on a walk with my minion without me making her a liar and a thief. *nods* Okay, my minion overruled me and says Celeste can participate. Whatever.

First, a picture depicting the meme. Honest Scrap. I am uncertain of what that means, but who am I to pass judgement upon the scrap of the world? Dozer and Quizz tagged us, by the way.

Okay, so I have to tell 10 honest things about me.

1. I love sleeping. A lot. It's my number one most favorite thing to do.
2. I like to sleep under the covers and press my cold, pink nose against my minion's stomach.
3. When I'm super happy, I do a grrrrrrr and sing to my minion. She sings back and I think she needs practice.
4. Sometimes I cross my eyes to look at my PNOD.
5. I smell my right foot, then my left, just to make sure they smell the same. If not, I lick them until they both smell like my tongue (which smells great, by the way). Dozer does something similar, so I figure I'm in good company.
6. I love little dogs a lot. I do not like puppies all that much, though I tolerate them better than Celeste. But little dogs? I could keep a gaggle of them all for my entertainment. Those little legs and little noses and little tails are all utterly divine. *ahem* Anyway.
7. I was a horse in a past life. This is because my grandmother says I sound like one when I gallop through her house during visits.
8. I stole my minion's bear mace and ate the external canister. My minion was unamused. I told her that if we encounter a bear, all I have to do is breathe on them and voila! dead bear. (Note from the minion: Mina didn't eat the mace, thank god, just the plastic travel case it was in - she stole it off a table, the little minx). I am not a minx (just being truthful here).
9. I like playing bitey-face with my not-sister. Don't tell her, though.
10. I once ate four days worth of food that my minion left for me on the floor. My minion said I couldn't even fit through the door. Untrue, though I did have trouble getting up stairs and up on the bed. Who leaves food unattended if they didn't want me to it?!?

HEY, It's ME TEAM CELESTE!!! Here's my ten most truthy stuffs!
1. I LOVES GRASS. I could eats it all days long!!!
2. I LOVES GOOSE POOPS. I could eats a whole ten pounds of it!!!
3. I LOVES CHASING GOOSES. I just wants thems to poops sos I can eats it!
4. I LOVES MY MOM. Shes goods at giving me cookies, pets, praises, lovings, and plays goods with my tug toys (cepts when she makes me drops them!)
5. I LOVES MY SISTER, MINA. Shes play bitey faces with me, tugs toys with me, even walks unders me! Shes a good roles model 'specially when it comes to getting into troubles!
6. I LOVES MY GRANDPARENTS. They's sneaks me extra food cuz my mom sometimes starves me!
7. I LOVES CHEWING ON MYSELF. My mom says this is allergies and not appropriates but I does it anyways, cepts when mom gives me apool cidah vinnigar, whatevers that is (truthy? I donts likes it very much).
8. I LOVES PAPERS! They tastes soo good and they're sos fun to tears up. My sister thinks I'm a dork but she eats plastics so I don't trusts her on this issue.
9. I LOVES THE LETTERS SSSSSS. I uses the letters ssss a lot because I thinks it is the best letters. I have two s sounds in my names, which makes me an experts on the letters s!
10. I LOVES ME!!! I thinks self-loves is very importants because if yous don't loves yourselfs then you cants loves nobody elses.

TEAM CELESTE FOR THE WINS!!

Mina, again.
Now, I am supposed to tag peoples, but I think everyone on my blog list has been tagged. If you have not, I tag you and you are it and my PNOD says you must do this meme. PNOD does not lie.

Okay, and then Daisy the dog (who NEARLY has a PNOD, btw) tagged me and the not-so-little-not-sister to do a photo meme. Never one to back down from showing off my awesome self, here you go.

Here are the rules:

Open a document or file folder
Click on the fifth folder and then the fifth photo
Post the photo and describe it

I mixed things up and went to my minion's photobucket account and picked 2008, the 5th folder and the 5th picture for Celeste. Then I went to 2007 (a good year for me, I think) and did the same for my most awesome self.

Celeste's 5th photo is:

Which truly encapsulates her nutty, I'm a total dork, can-do 'tude.

My 5th photo:

Well. This is embarrassing.

It was '07 (an otherwise good photo year for me) and the minion thought I would look good as a skunk. Which I do, of course, but geez, a skunk? How about just dressing up as me?

Tagging 8 critters:

1. Dozer (and Star too!)
2. Quizz, because we need more pictures of you!
3. Amber-Mae because she can blow bubbles in the water!
4-7. The Dogfathers (Vinnie, Gino, Bruno and dogfatherette Carmela)
8. Mia, who we all hope finds her forever home!

That is all.

Stuffie Extravaganza!

2009-02-07T13:18:00.000-08:00

Today was The Day to buy stuffies for the dynamic duo. Goodwill produced a veritable jackpot of affordable dog toys (erroneously meant for children). For $6.90, eight stuffies were purchased. Although Mina thinks I'm stingy, I refuse to pay more than $2.00 for a toy (unless it is the mose awesome of toys).

The Need:

As you can see, the toy box has declined. That vintage frog has lost his eyes. The teddy bear is doing his best to obscure the damaged goods beneath him.

The New Goods:

From left to right: Care Bear Stare (face obscured), Leo I the Loser, Leo II the Winner (center back), Orange-cola bear (center), Monkey Face, Babar's Cousin, and Bear VII.

Your Challenge - Find the Pit Bull

She's the one trying to avoid eye contact with the crazy Care Bear Stare creature of doom.

The Dynamic Duo Response:

Celeste: I can has?
Mina: MINE! ALL MINE! Behold my red-laser eye of doom, come any closer and you'll surely perish!!!!
Celeste: So I can not has?

Celeste tackles the evil Care Bear Stare of doom amidst the innards of a previous conquest.

Toy Box After:

Better. Much better.

I has a vintage pit bull!

2009-02-06T17:37:00.000-08:00

I is the frog, and I has conquered the vintage pit bull! You may not believe this is true but it is because I IS THE FROG!!!!!

Actually, I is CELESTE!!! Team Celeste for the win!

Anyways, sos my sister is here looking all old and ancient, not just cuz shes IS old and ancient but cuz my mom apparentlys used old films. That's my guesses anyways!

And even thoughs my sister tells me I'm funny looking and uses ssss inappropriatelys, I stills tells her that she's goyjus! My mom says thats why she loves me. I hopes it's not the only reason cuz I has lots more positive qualities than just loving my sister!

My Pink Nose of Doom

2009-02-03T09:41:00.000-08:00

We have not been properly introduced, but I am Mina's pink nose of doom.

I make Mina look cool. And by cool, I mean hot. Very hot.

I complement the world, because I *am* the world. Or at least it's rightful ruler, though tragically unrecognized by everyone but Mina and the minion and sometimes that black-nosed creature, Celeste.

I am doomful because I wreak havoc wherever I go, which is everywhere because I *am* everywhere. Nowhere and everything to boot.

Respect me, bow before me. Hail my perdiness and also the dog I'm attached to.

Your ever faithful totalitarian leader,

Pink Nose of Doom (PNOD, if you please)

Team Celeste for the win!!

2009-01-28T20:10:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, it's me CELESTE!!!!11!!

I has very very very very very mondo important news! Todays, I met, for the very first times ever!!!, a little human. I mean little. Hes was all up in my nose-business, that's how little he was. And let me tells you, I thinks humans should all come in this little size. I smiled at him and licked him and kissed him and generally was very very very very happy about his existences.

I also jumped on my mom's head cuz I was really really really hopings she would become little too. Guess whats? She didn't! And she yelled at me. Shock!

Wordless Wednesday: MINA

2009-01-21T18:33:00.001-08:00

Mina is the BIG TEN

2009-01-15T20:52:00.001-08:00

In lieu of a lengthy post expounding on the joyous wonders that are Mina, I will just leave you with one of my favorite photos of her basking in the glorious sun. I love her dearly, more than words could really encompass. It's been 7 years since she rudely wriggled her way into my heart. She has been the most challenging dog I've ever worked with and that is one of the big reasons why she is such an awesome dog. She's my itty-bitty spitfire, my snuggle bug of doom, and ruler of all that is canid and good. Okay, so I went a little lengthier than "MINA RULES" but oh well.

MASSIVE HUNTING EXPEDITION PART DEUX

2009-01-10T14:14:00.001-08:00

Hey Team Celeste, it's me CELESTE!!!!!111!!. Recently, I shared my very amazing chases of a deers who should be in my bellies but is still roaming frees up on the countryside.

But enough of that deers who I should still be eating. My mom has been getting up super duper early (according to her anyways) so shes can take me to the park. It's not even light out which is greats cuz then I can sneakify up on my food.

Like a couple days ago, my mom and Is were all "let's walk" and we makes a very very very good team (Team Celeste I calls it). Before I get to that sneakifying part, let me just says that Mina my most awesome of older sisters is always invited to these hunting expeditions but guess whats?!? Mina apparently thinks sleeping in until 7:30 am (whens we return from an hour of runnings and chasings and huntings) is way more fun. Sometimes I really think my biggest sister has the Al-Zimers cuz who wouldn't want to go huntings over sleepings?!?

Anyways, Team Celeste was all out and about when I spies myself a tasty morsel - it was all black and white and waddling like it just wanted me to eat him. I was abouts to engage in my SECOND massive hunting expedition part doo when my mom (who i love very dearly but who i really feel isn't all that smart about getting food) asked me to come. She had this sort of puppy whine and panicky edge to her voices, sos I had to come real fast to make sures she was fine. Turns out she was fine, she just wanted to put that darned leash on me! And when I turned around to sees if my foods was still waddling towards me - he was gone!

Geez, my humom is real great and alls but she isn't so smart about hunting.

MASSIVE HUNTING EXPEDITION

2008-12-31T22:14:00.000-08:00

<----- Not the actual deer

Hey everyone, it's me CELESTE!!!11!!!

So first of alls, Happy News Year! This is going to be a BIG news year. I started it off right early by hunting a ginormously large buck who had antlers the size of a whale. I'm pretty sure you'll see me on the cover of your local papers tomorrow morning.

My mom and most awesome of big sisters, Mina, were out and about running frees when alls of a sudden, this ginormously large buck comes zoomifying out in front of us. My mom is all "Oh, dear" and I'm all "Yeah, duh! CHASE!" Then my mom is all "Oh, don't do that Celeste. Celeste! CELESTE!!!" and I'm all "Yeah, I'll get us some dinners!!!" And Mina was all "You are all so embarrassing." I'm sure she was just referring to the deer.

The one thing I do nots expect with my food is for them to be way big and way fasters than me. My most awesome of big sisters is actually shorter than me so she's not really big. Not that I'd eat her anyways. Anyways, like I was saying, this big ol deer creature escaped my clutches so I had to comes running backs to my mom in shame.

Happy News Year!!!! Hope you make the cover of the newspaper but in a good, non deer hunting way!

Mina's Christmas Opinion

2008-12-25T20:07:00.000-08:00

It is full of woe.

Happy Birthday minion/humom

2008-12-24T17:26:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, it's Mina....%&*(JDLJ(#)&

AND CELESTE!!!!11!! *Mina paws keyboard away from Celeste*

Anyway, today is my minion's birthday. In dog years, she is as old as a brontosaurus fossil. Growing older has not made her any wiser.

For example, see this cupcake? Isn't it nice and tasty looking? My minion spent fifteen minutes taking pictures of this cupcake and its brethren. FIFTEEN MINUTES. In dog years, that is about two billion years.

Even worse, she ate this cupcake (and one other, to be accurate) and gave me none of it. I have forgiven her because it IS her birthday but it was still pretty tragic for me.

Anyway, Celeste has something to say apparently.

HI IT'S ME CELESTE!!!!11!!! I love, love, loves, loves, love my mom. A lot. If I could draws a picture of my love I would needs five million kajillion trillion trees turned into papers. I is so happy she is having the birthday today that I want to bark and howl and sing songs to the moon. But the moon is being hided by global cloud coverage so I will sing songs to my mom and Mina and anyone else who hears me. *AROOOOOOOOOOO*

Happy Birthday, mom!!!!

Mina, here: Yes, Happy Birthday, minion. Next year, make liver cupcakes. Then you can celebrate by feeding them to me. Maybe even one to my little not-sister, Celeste.

Where's the sun?

2008-12-23T12:38:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, it's me CELESTE!!!!1!

So where's the sun? I'm getting concerned that global cloud coverage has increased lots and the clouds have eaten the sun or at least the sun's light. I stared real hard at a light bulb but it's so stupid it don't know hows to be a sun. I could be a better sun than it.

My big most awesome of sisters Mina's is also worried. She's got the short hair and gets the shivers like every five minutes. I says to my mom that she should knit my shedded hair together and make a coat for my big most awesome of sisters. Then my mom breaks out this really awesome plaid thing called a coat - can you believe my most awesome sister gets a COAT?!? A COAT!?! It also repels ebil rain that comes from the global cloud coverage. I wants a coat so bad and not just because Mina gets one. Okay, because Mina gets one. Still, coat please?

Also, sun. Yes. Sun. Me wants it back.

From the minion

2008-12-22T12:18:00.000-08:00

This isn't a message from Mina or Celeste. It's about rescued pit bulls and is reposted from my other blog. Hope you don't mind the "hijacking" of the blog. :)

The end result for many large-scale confiscations of pit bulls is death. Not because the dogs are inherently evil or dangerous. Not because there aren't rescues willing to take some of the dogs. It is because of a perpetuated myth that pit bulls from fight busts or large neglect cases are a liability, that the only "good" thing for these abused dogs is to kill them. What a tragedy that the stereotype is perpetrated by shelters and humane societies that should know better.

Enter the Kay County sheriff's department who received a tip from a couple of hunters in early December that there were a lot of neglected pit
bulls on a rural property. When the sheriff's department showed up, more
than 100 dogs were found in various stages of neglect and starvation. None of the dogs were at a normal weight, some had even paced a trench around their chain's maximum length, no doubt a sign of utter frustration and boredom. Several puppies were also discovered.

Instead of following the traditional route of mass-killings (the automatic killing of dogs should not be considered "euthanasia"), Kay County reached out to the animal protection movement and asked for help. The Oklahoma Alliance for Animals, Best Friends and BadRap responded. And so did the public. When the Kay County Sheriff's department asked for help with donations, food and care for the dogs - thousands of dollars poured, enough food for a month was trucked in, and people showed up in support of these dogs. Amazing. The "owner" of the dogs has been charged with 70 counts of animal cruelty.

BadRap sent two representatives out to Oklahoma to evaluate the dogs. While there isn't final word from BadRap on how many dogs were euthanized or saved, we know that some are on their way to California for a new lease on life. It is one thing to euthanize because the dog is too shut down or too aggressive to pass behavioral tests or because there just aren't enough rescues to take in 100+ dogs, it is a whole other ball game to kill a dog because he looks a certain way. Since when did head size and the musculature of animal take precedence over their behavior?

It's great some of these dogs have a second chance. And, like the dogs adopted and saved from Vick's property, these dogs will continue to be ambassadors for pit bulls. They will show their community that a dog from a fight bust or from a cruelty case can be a model canine representative. They will show people that pit bulls are dogs, that they deserve as much of a chance at a good life as any other pup.

See BadRap's slideshow here

When little dogs try to eat me

2008-12-15T17:26:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, Mina here. Today, I was out with the minion doing my business when out of nowhere a little midget dog-rat-porcupine cross came out and tried to eat my very perdy pink nose of doom. Now, maybe insecure loser dogs would try and eat these irksome little midget dogs but I am neither insecure nor a loser. So, I dodged razor sharp teeth, peed, and whacked one of the munchkin dogs in the head with my tail. Then the pint-size monsters' owner came out and she was appalled, APPALLED, that they were attacking me*. So she scooped them up and took them away from my royal self.

When we got back inside, my minion just had to have me type up this post so she could include pictures of how often I get mauled by midget dogs.

Left is me being violated by an italian greyhound. He's neutered. I'm spayed. It was true wuv. Except that he also tried to mate with my head which is not true love, it's gross.

Here I am with Bulldog King of the Stuffed. As you can see, he is at my throat trying to eat me. It was only through my charm and good looks I was able to avoid evisceration by squeaky royalty.

See, I was even nice my little not-sister when she was small and full of vim and vigor and needle teeth. Now she's big and I can walk under her and still tell her who's boss (that would be me).

Anyway, I think this is sufficient evidence that I'm very tolerant of smallish canine-like creatures. Be they not-sisters or stuffed or humping my head.

*The Minion Speaks: Actually, the owner was appalled that my leashed pit bull was anywhere near their two unleashed minions of satan. I tried to be annoyed by their behavior but it's hard when Mina is being such a seriously awesome dog.

PS: I got an award! I'm so very proud of my award achievements. Thank you, Dozer!

Rules:

List six things that makes you happy
Give the award to six creative bloggers and link to their sites
Tell the bloggers they received the award
Link to the blog where the award came from

Here are six thangs that makes me happy:

Sleeping
Walking with the minion
Eating while sleeping
Teddy bears
Getting massaged
Sleeping

Six creative bloggers:

Dannan, the little brown dog
Have cake, will travel (me and the minion drool every time we look at the pictures)
Travels with Cici
Save the pit bull, save the world
Mina (yes, me).
Animal Place sanctuary (because I like cows)

Awarded Memified

2008-12-05T18:08:00.001-08:00

It's me, Mina. I got this award from Daisy, the dog who also erroneously gave it to Celeste, my little not-sister (who today stepped on my toes ten times!) I'm sure she meant it just for me, though, because I'm so awesome.

Anyway, I also got tagged to do the eight by eight thing which I thought meant eating a piece of bread 8' x8' but actually means answering questions. I had my minion do it.

My 8 favorite foods:

Peanut butter
Chicken drumsticks
Tofu, fried with a little cayenne
Carrots, steamed with brown sugar
Jerky of any kind (except people)
Bread with butter
Mashed potatoes
Unmashed potatoes

8 Things I did today:

Slept in and ignored my minion’s demands to get up and go potty outside
Slept
Snored
Glared at Celeste
Played with Celeste
Showed my minion how cool I am by toting around a giant teddy bear
Slept
Yelled at the evil dogs next door

8 Favorite Stores:

PetEdge
The store with all the food
The place with all the toys

8 Restaurants:

Restaurants do not feed me, they feed my minion. Ergo, I do not have favorite restaurants until I find one that lets me eat at the table with the minion.

8 Things I look Forward To:

Sleeping
Taking my minion on a walk
Chasing Celeste
Causing Celeste to trip over herself on our walk
Sleeping
Playing with my giant teddy bear and showing it who is boss
Getting ear skritches and back massages
Sleeping

8 Things I Like To Do With Family:

Sleep
Eat food
Run toward the ocean and yell at it
Run away from the ocean as it yells back
Hike in the woods
Try to crawl into the fireplace without getting burned by the fire
Sleep
Eat more food

8 Things on My Wish List:

Fifty nylabones
Twenty-five kongs
Eighteen teddy bears
Ten tug toys all for me
My little not sister to stop eating my perfect ears
My minion to spend more time with me
Visit my human grandparents all the time
Two pillows

8 Buddies I’m Tagging with both the meme and the AWARD!!!!

Amber, the most awesome of dancing Golden Retrievers
Dozer, but just the award cuz he deserves awards that he doesn't have to share (except he may have already gotten this award, in which case, he can have it again because someone obviously stole it).
Bella, the boxer, who hasn't updated her blog in an eon and a day.
Dannan, who is very skilled at being a little brown dog and also reading blogs backward.

Okay, that's only four so I hope those I tagged will pick up my slack. *nods*

-Miss Mina

Wordless Wednesday: Noble Mina

2008-12-03T09:14:00.001-08:00

Me and Henrietta

2008-11-29T17:46:00.000-08:00

Hey it's me, Mina. My minion bought a 2007 Ford Escape Hybrid which she calls Henrietta.

Here is a picture of the dumb car and the most awesome of occupants, me.

I don't really mean Henrietta is dumb, she does manage to get me places that are full of good smells and fun stuff. She also puts my not-sister in the back which is kind of nice.

Thing is, Henrietta didn't take me anywhere in this picture. She just sat there. I mean, I can get that kind of action by sitting on a rock. To make matters worse, my minion wandered about fifty feet away to take a picture. She took several from different angles and the most egregious violation of my rights occurred - after traipsing me out into the car, sitting me in the car, she took me back out of the car and into the house. What?

I am not amused.

Wordless Wednesday: CELESTE AGAIN AGAIN

2008-11-19T20:19:00.000-08:00

Mina discusses training

2008-11-18T11:39:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone, it's me Mina. This is not a picture of me training; it's an embarrassing photo of me playing with a toy. My minion decided to use this photo because she is evil. I have no control over that fact.

In any event, I'm in training. We go every week and I get tortured. I have to do stuff like sit, and stay and "watch" and not tell the other dogs that they suck and I rule. That is very hard because the fact of that matter is that I do rule and all other dogs, excepting any dog reading this blog, are not cool.

My minion says that I did so fantabulously on Sunday that I get to do extra training with THE BEST TRAINER IN THE WORLD (she is, really) for something called a See-Gee-See, which I hope involves cookies. My minion is unsure if I'll actually pass because she says I have a bad case of the Sassy Snark-a-tude when it comes to other dogs (who look at me funny) but since I did so well in class, she was going to give it a try. I had to remind her that it was ME who going to give it a try and maybe I might not.

This is my second time around with THE BEST TRAINER IN THE WORLD and I hope there will be a third and a fourth because the trainer really is THE BEST IN THE WORLD. That's just fact.

My not-sister is pretty jealous about this training bit, so the minion says she can get some training too. I told the minion she could send the not-sister away for boarding school training but then my not-sister actually cried and I felt bad. Then I got over it and told Celeste not to be a pansy. Celeste says she'll be a pansy if it will get her cookies. Me too, actually.

That's all on the Mina Rules homefront.

Awarded!

2008-11-17T17:34:00.001-08:00

Mina and Celeste are excited to receive their first award from A Chicken Story, detailing the trials and tribulations of one Miss Peepers and her very awesome human caregivers. Well, Celeste is certifiable-excited, while Mina is wondering if this award comes with cookies. Then when Mina mentioned cookies, Celeste became enamored with the idea so much that I had to actually go and feed them cookies. This is how they work their magic on me.

In any event, thank you!

To pass on the love, I'd like to share this award to the following who may or may not have received this award already. And if they have, remember those doublemint commercials - double the fun, right? Yes.

1) Save the pit bull, save the world: Journey with the caregiver of two awesome and challenging (who happen to be my favorite kind of dog, so take that as a compliment!) dogs, Luce and Mushroom.
2) Have cake, will travel: Gorgeous photographs of delicious food, all vegan all the time. :)
3) Daisy the dog: An adorable pit bull discusses life and all that goes with being a dog.
4) Everyone, because I really don't like having to pick.

Happy Monday, everyone.

Woe is not Mina

2008-11-15T11:31:00.000-08:00

Mina's minion here: Well, $200 later and I've learned Mina is fine. She had a couple of crystals in her urine which Mina wanted to sell on ebay. Other than that, nada. Thanks for the good thoughts. I think dogs are good at making life both very enjoyable and stressful.

Woe is Mina

2008-11-12T15:58:00.000-08:00

Mina here: Woe is me is right. Get this: My minion took me to the V-doc, the irksome place with the slippery floor with the crappy treats and people who poke me with sharp objects. The minion claims I'm acting funny, that I'm losing a bit of weight and drinking a lot of water and having a hard time chewing my bones.

Wrong. I'm very serious (except when I'm not), I am svelte, love water like its going out of style and I take those bones out like a ninja assassin warrior. There is nothing wrong with me, and I don't need some vet tech sticking a needle in my arm or, even more embarrassing, catching my urine with a bowl - that urine was intended to land on a bush so that everyone knew how awesome I really am. My minion says everyone already knows that - but does everyone smell it? Well, now they won't be able to because that woman with the tacky paw-print jacket stole my pee!

My minion is hoping you will all think positive thoughts for me. Which you were already doing, I'm sure. She will find out details sometime tomorrow, she hopes. I'm sure she is just being paranoid, as is her overbearing way. I mean I love her and all, but sometimes she's just too much. You know what I mean? I'm sure you do.

Wordless Wednesday: Portrait of Celeste as a Young Puppy

2008-10-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

When leashes attack

2008-10-18T13:26:00.000-07:00

This is an older story but it never loses its charm due to the fact that it is repeated nearly every evening on our walks. ;)

Trot, trot, trot, trot... "LEASH!" Yank, huff, fall back.

Trot, trot, trot, trot..."LEAAASHH!" Sigh, grumble, huff, fall back.

Trot, trot, trot, trot...."LEAASSSSHHH!!!" Mumble, grumble, snort, sigh, fall back.

Trot, trot. "You know, life would be easier if you didn't keep trotting to the very end of your leash, then act surprised when you hit the end of it."

"Oh, would it, my dear sweet minion?"

Uh-oh. Mina was in one of those moods - the world is against her, woe is her, cry her a river, then throw her some liver cookies.

We were progressing slowly on our walk. The sun was out, my flesh was turning pink, Mina was panting like she hadn't just gulped down four cups of water (that I have to carry, mind you) and Mina kept trotting past me at a super-fast pace and psuedo-choking herself on the lead. It was great. Just fabulous.

"Um, soooo, Mina - how about we take the loop around the lagoon. There are geese you can glare at and maybe ducks." I was trying the "please the canine unit route".

It didn't work.

"Yeah, minion, let's DO that. Let's walk another forty minutes around a fricking dirty lagoon that you won't even let me swim in. And then maybe let's trek across the great desert just so you can tell me to not sniff the goose poop. After that, let's walk by the dog park and mock the dogs that I don't even get to fricking chase and play with." Mina managed to convey this message to me while sniffing chamomile and peeing on a bush.

I took a deep breath. One must take a lot of deep breaths when Mina gets into her funky moods.

"Okay, well...what would you like to do? Should we go back to the truck and go home?"

"You would like that, wouldn't you, minion? Just give up and go back and miss out on all the smells and sights and creatures to glare and yell at and maybe swipe with my paw? I don't think so, missy. We're going to walk the extra forty minutes, and you are going to keep up so I don't end up being attacked by that infernal leash. Sound good?"

I nod and smile.

Trot, trot, trot, trot... "LEASH!" Yank, huff, fall back.

Trot, trot, trot, trot..."LEAAASHH!" Sigh, grumble, huff, fall back.

Trot, trot, trot, trot...."LEAASSSSHHH!!!" Mumble, grumble, snort, sigh, fall back.

"You're doing that on purpose. You are currently on my list. There will be repercussions. Just when you LEAST expect it, I'll do something....CRAP!" *sound of Mina tripping over slackened leash* *sound of Mina sliding across her chest* *sound of Mina getting herself up and acting like nothing happened* "do something horrible to you! Like lick your ear!"

And that is why I love Mina.

Wordless Wednesday: Celeste again!

2008-10-15T19:13:00.000-07:00

Attack of the weeds

2008-10-14T19:26:00.000-07:00

Mina here. I visited the 590-acre sanctuary where my minion will be working. It's big. Real big.

I was forced to endure Celeste, my not-sister, for the entire weekend. I survived through what I call better living through rolling in dirt. I hoped that by masking my scent, Celeste would get lost and maybe disappeared.

My minion says that I'm being very mean in regards to my not-sister. I tell her I'd be a lot nicer if Celeste didn't keep sitting on my head.

Changing the world, one cookie-look at a time

2008-10-08T19:56:00.001-07:00

Miss Mina here. I've been working diligently on my "LOOK INTO MY EYES AND GIVE ME COOKIES" look. Here is a sample. I think it is a pretty sure bet that the minion will proffer a multitude of cookies for this look.

I'm also working on a subliminal message campaign. Problem is I don't talk minion-speak so every time I whine, bark, whine, CELESTE IS EVIL, whine, woof to the minion, she thinks I'm just being my normal adorable self. And I am, of course, but I'm also trying to convince her that my little not-sister is evil. She still seems to think the muttskie is adorable. SHE DOES NOT EVEN HAVE A PINK NOSE! I do. You cannot tell in this photo, but it's plain fact that I have a pink nose and Celeste doesn't.

Oh yeah, I also tried a mind-meld with the minion. She was getting ready for work (i.e. abandulating me) this morning and I bonked her right on the forehead to see if we could make a connection. Turns out she has a pretty soft head, which leads me to believe she may not have a mind to meld with (if her head is that soft, I bet her brain fell out years ago). This means I'm going to have to be extra vigilant and make sure the minion doesn't get into any trouble, like when she tried to hot iron her hands in addition to her hair.

Dogs, check on your human providers. Make sure they have minds. If so, let me know if you have any better luck with a mind-meld.

Wordless Wednesday: CELESTE!

2008-10-08T12:26:00.001-07:00

Preparing for Halloween

2008-10-07T19:49:00.001-07:00

Mina here, I'm taking over this blog to warn all of you canines about the horrors of Halloween. HORRORS. I cannot emphasize enough the evils of this so-called human holiday or, as I call it, Holiday of Torture.

Behold the sheer terror of this day.

In 2005, my minion decided I would be good as a gourd. A GOURD. There is zero resemblance between me and a pumpkin. And just because you stick felt shaped jack-0-lanterns on me does not make it so. It is difficult for me to convey, but I think you can see the death-glare I am giving my minion here.

The tragedy here is that I was forced into this same pumpkin costume in 2004. I mean, come on, couldn't my minion even get a bit more creative? Once I had that thought, my minion got more creative. Don't think, dogs, it's highly overrated.

Because once you think, then your minion may do THIS to you. Yes, that is me as a "cow-dog" (wherein my minion always responds "get it? she's a dog dressed as a cow! HA!"). I am posing with Sadie, a rather large black and white dog. My minion says she is an ACTUAL cow, but I have a hard time believing anything she says about cows.

Plus, she also claims I'm saying stuff like this "I is in ur paddocks dressed like ur cattle fostering my mad hunterz skillz!"

I DO NOT talk like that. At all. I know how to use the letter z correctly and I feel "hunters" and "skills" are sufficiently detailed without the z.

Then, last year, the worst Halloween ever occurred. I mean it when I say the worst. My minion dressed me up as a SKUNK. I mean, is that her passive-aggressive way to say I smell bad? Or that I'm a pest? or that I'm ugly? At least she dressed Celeste up appropriately. Fact is, Celeste is strikingly similar to a pig, except for the fact she is a bit on the skinny side. However, her appetite? None of the pigs at my minion's place of work could ever eat as much as Celeste. My minion told me that the pigs at the sanctuary don't even like broccoli - Celeste does. She says they don't like eating plastic - Celeste does. My minion even told me that the pigs know not to eat pencils - Celeste eats pencils like they're going out of style.

So maybe this is an actual insult to pigs. I've met a few of the pigs at the sanctuary and they're big, but they don't try to eat me - Celeste does.

Anyway, I heard news that my minion is planning on dressing me and the little sis up for Halloween '08. I'm sure it will be another day of torture with photographic evidence to support my cruelty claims.

To all you dogs: Keep it real. Dress up as a naked dog for Halloween. Don't let your minions or humoms or hudads or lackeys con you into wearing silly outfits. For serious.

When pit bulls invade your bathroom

2008-09-28T08:52:00.000-07:00

The scene: The bathroom.
The cast:
Me: Doing bathroomie stuff
Miss Mina: Doing her best to annoy the crap out of me

Me: What the heck are you doing in here, Mina?
Mina: *sits by leg* Oh, you know, I was just checking in to see if you still remembered I existed. That's all.
Me: ?
Mina: Sometimes you forget. Like a few minutes ago? I was on the bed staring at you while you brushed your hair. I stared. And sighed. And harrumphed. Yet you just kept on brushing - I think three brushes is sufficient, it's not like your going on a hot date or anything.
Me: Gee. Thanks. I'm sorry I ignored your awesome sighing, melodramatic ways.
Mina: Oh now you sarcasm me. Fine. I'm leaving.
Me: *stares down at pit bull still leaning into her leg* Um...
Mina: *startles* Oh yeah. Going now....moving slowly away, going to go huddle in a corner, abandoned once again by a subpar minion.
Me: *baffled* Subpar? You're acting weird this morning.
Mina: Pshaw, weird is Celeste.
Me: Anyway, do you want to go with me to get coffee?
Mina: Do I ever! With Celeste?
Me: Nope, just you and me.
Mina: *twirls in a circle* Woo-hoo! *ahem* I mean, let me check my schedule. I have a busy life, you know, I mean I don't just lie on the bed all day when you're gone pining for you to return. More important things to do, you know. I've got a busy social life, let me tell you. I mean just the other day....
Me: Mina! Do you want to go or not?
Mina: Yeah! I mean, yes I would be delighted to accompany you and make sure your caffeine addiction does not get wildly out of control.
Me: Thanks.

And the minion and her pit bull went off in search of soy extra bold coffee freddos and a chocolate, chocolate vegan muffin of doom.

When dogs are abandulated

2008-09-19T19:59:00.000-07:00

The scene: Home back from five days of vacationing without the dogs.
The cast:
Me: Hapless human who had the nerve to go on vacation WITHOUT the dogs.
Miss Mina: Queen Bee Supreme irked with my abandoning her for infinity and beyond.
Celeste: Little Dumpling of Doom overjoyed with life.

Me: I'M HOME!!!!!
*silence*
Me: AS IN INSIDE THE HOUSE IN PERSON FOR REAL!
*crickets sing*
Me: Where the heck are you two darn dogs?!?
*woof, woof*
Me: Aww, they're calling for me!
*walks toward backyard*
*sees two dogs playing together*
Me: Hey ladies, it's me! YOU'RE MOST FAVORITEST PERSON!!!! I'm back!
Mina: Who? You mean the person who was my former minion and now is even more former than before? The one who abandoned me with THIS thing? *stares at Celeste* FOR FIVE DAYS!
Me: Oh, well, you see, they said "pets" were allowed but, well you know, you aren't a pet!
Mina: That's your excuse? You leave me to suffer indignities the likes you've never seen because I'm not a pet? Which I'm not, of course, but I could be for a vacation.
Celeste: OH MY DOGGESS, IT IS YOU OF THE MOTHERLY FAME! WELCOMES BACK MY MOST FAVORITEST MOTHERLY FAME PERSON EVER!!!! *flings herself at Me*
Me: Aww, that's so sweet Celeste! I love you too.
Celeste: I love you very, very, very much times five million for the five million days you were gone. I bet you were helping those starving dogs in other parts of the world, right? Telling them how great my big sister is and how much great food I eat? Right?
Me: Sort of. There was a skinny cat who could have used some food.
Celeste: A cat? Is that like a puppy but spelled different?
Mina: No, you dimwitted non-sister of mine, she's talking about the big C, the needle-sharp clawed spawn of the feline world, she's talking about that creature who keeps visiting our backyard and pooping in our yard.
Celeste: NO! Humom wouldn't ever, ever, ever sociate with the likes of them? Would she? WOULD YOU?!?
Me: Um. Sorry?
Celeste: YOU IS FORGIVENATED!
Mina: No, you aren't. For ten pounds of food, minion, I'll pretend this whole abandoning business didn't happen. Otherwise, I'm so not talking to you.
Me: *close to tears*
Mina: Are you crying?
Me: *sobs* No! I just thought you'd be happy to see me.
Mina: Oh for the love of dog, I am overjoyed to see you minion. I like grandpa and all, but he's no minion. He lets me sleep on the chair when he's supposed to invite me on the bed. He tells me I'm a good dog but doesn't back it up with a massage. Fact is, you're the most adequate minion a pit bull like me could ask for.
Me: For real?
Mina: Yeah. For reals.
Me: *SQUEEZES MINA* You are the bested pit bull on the planet!
Mina: *glares* Darn straight. Probably the best pink-nosed dog in all of this universe.
Celeste: I'M THE BESTEST AT FALLING OFF CHAIRS!

And thus the turbulent trio were reunited once more after years of separation.

Wordless Wednesday (cuz everyone is doing it)

2008-09-10T18:35:00.000-07:00

I am not a hockey mother

2008-09-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

Mina here: I'm taking over this blog-like device for just a second.

Please note that I have perfect lipstickified lips. I don't even have to try to make it perfect, it just is. My minion believes this clearly shows that there are more differences between me and a certain hockey mother than just lipstick.

For example, she claims I wouldn't hunt moose or caribou or put grizzly bear heads on her sofa.

Fact is, I've hunted. A lot. Check out the evidence:

This is me posing with a giant mutant rabbit I took out in the living room. It was a tough hunt, I had to traverse the rugged rug and avoid my grandmother's grand piano.

I'll even dress up in camo to confuse my prey. Yeah, I later ate that cow. She didn't even see it coming.

There's loads more evidence of my hunting prowess, but I'll stop there.

As to the grizzly bear? Well, fact is I have a lot of stuffed bears all over the place. I'm chewing on one right now as my minion types this out for me. Sometimes I "accidentally" mistake Celeste for a bear - a girl has to make sure her home isn't being invaded by dangerous and deadly bears disguised as irksome younger siblings.

However, I am not nor will I ever be a hockey mother. This is because hockey involves dangerous devices that could crush my skull - they are called hockey pucks, hockey players, and hockey fans. I don't abide by that sort of business. It's also because I don't have a uterus or ovaries. Yeah, I know about that stuff. Now, I WILL take on an oversized tennis ball. If that means I have to drill in a park for oil, darn straight I will.

Yeah, check me out. My lipstick is kicking that ball's butt. And quite frankly, I gotta tell you something - I don't care if same-sex dog pairs want to get a county license together. I support this because it will save minions everywhere money - money that can be used to help take out stuffed moose everywhere.

I'm going to talk to my minion about getting me and Celeste a joint license. I'm sure she'll think it's a great idea. I also believe in the choice to eat whatever blades of grass I want to eat...and throw them up five minutes later. Take that, minion. Anyway, I am a pit bull with natural lipstick and I endorse this post. My minion still believes there are lots more differences between me and the hockey mother, mainly the fact the hockey mother doesn't have one of me. Which is sad, really. Everyone should have one of me. I mean not me LITERALLY but dogs like me - sassy and smart, lipstick optional.

When muttskies go to the park

2008-08-31T19:38:00.000-07:00

The scene: Albany park where dogs roam off leash and humans do as well.
The cast:
- Celeste, great, gullible muttskie of doom
- Me, poor human of doom

Me: Celeste! What on earth are you trying to eat?
Celeste: I don't know! It's goopy, clear, smooshy and eww! yucky!
Me: Oh for the love...that's a dead jellyfish, don't eat that!!
Celeste: BUT MOM I AM STARVING! I haven't eaten in hours, possibly two million hours!
Me: Don't you know there are dogs starving in all parts of the world, who don't have a warm bed to sleep in, good company or an older sister named Mina?!?
Celeste: *GASP* They don't? We should visit them! We can bring Mina along and she can tell them all about the great stuff we get to do. But you have to promise not to let Mina leave me there. It's something she'd do, even though I know she loves and adores me lots. Let's go! *runs off, trips, falls into a bush*
Me: Geez Celeste, are you okay?
Celeste: *piece of grass sticking out of her mouth* Wow, this is great stuff! I'm going to eat it all the time, day and night and noon and dusk and dawn and such.
Me: What about those starving dogs?
Celeste: I'll throw it up for them!
Me: You're gross.

And thus the dynamic duo (plus friend and her three dogs) wandered aimlessly through the park, avoiding dead jellyfish, drinking polluted bay water (the dogs did this, not the humans). The day ended well. :)

When pit bulls get cozy

2008-08-27T18:46:00.000-07:00

The scene: Night time, my bed.
The cast:
Mina - sleepy, apparently freezing pit bull
Celeste - awake, non-freezing muttskie
Me - Me

Mina: *whispers* Pssst, minion. Hey, minion! WAKE UP MINION!!!!
Me: Wa-huh? What? Are you insane Mina? It's 4 in the morning! I have three more hours of cotton candy eating dreams to fulfill.
Mina: Well, I noticed you have a lot of blanket available.
Me: And?
Mina: *sighs* Did YOU notice none of that blanket is covering my freezing self?
Me: Oh for the love of cotton candy. *drapes blanket over Mina*
Mina: Ahhhhhhh, that's the stuff. Hey, I see you have an extra pillow just lying there, doing nothing.
Me: Yeah?
Mina: I'm taking it.
Me: Fine.
*five minutes later wet nose pokes Me in stomach*
Me: Now what the heck are you doing?
Mina: What do you mean? You have a Mina-shaped spot right by your stomach - who am I to deny you, my ever-dear minion, the chance for a bit of Mina snuggling?
Me: You are obnoxious.
Mina: Takes one to know one.
Me: Wa-huh?
Mina: Go to sleep, minion.

When pit bulls act silly: A pictorial essay

2008-08-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

The scene: The backyard where a sassy pit bull was acting odd.

The cast:
Me: Me. Aka "the human", "the minion", or to a certain muttskie, "the humom of epic proportions"
Mina: The 9.5 year old sassy pit bull who adores bossing her minion around.
Celeste: The muttskie of doom was missing in action, having decided to converse intently with a house plant.

This is a pictorial essay. Well, if two pictures qualify.

Me: Um, Mina? What on earth are you doing?
Mina: Isn't it obvious, minion? I am practicing the fine art of bug-elimination. I have discovered if I simply open my mouth wide, pretending to yawn, that hapless insects will just buzz right in. If you would perhaps feed me enough, I wouldn't have to resort to such un-ladylike behavior.
Me: Mina, I feed you a pound of food a day, plus treats, plus you take it upon yourself to mow the lawn like you were a ruminating herbivore.
Mina: Pshaw, yeah but you have two pounds of food rightfully mine that you share with the muttskie who's currently waxing eloquent with a plant. Then you have the nerve to get the lawn mowed. How can I possibly thrive in such a hostile environment? Thus, I supplement.
Me: With bugs?
Mina: With bugs.

Me: That's pretty tragic. Hey. Wait a second. What are you doing? Are you giving me the look? Don't you turn your head away from me, missy!
Mina: *grand sigh* It is just so very difficult to be me. I try to convey my hunger, my state of starvation, yet you plea ignorance. I stare, whine, moan and share with you the fact that I must have a wasting away disease that could be cured with food. Yet you persist in pretending that I'm fine, in perfect shape, just grand. Thus, I must be woeful, angsty and as emo as is sufficiently possible with my adorably good looks.
Me: Fine. Here's a cookie.
Mina: *stares*
Me: Okay, five. But that's it.
Mina: You are indeed a worthy minion. You could aspire to even greater heights of worthinosity if you would do something about that muttskie.
Me: No.
Mina: Fine, we'll talk about it another time.

A walk to end all walks

2008-08-23T18:32:00.001-07:00

As always, these are TRUE STORIES with vocal embellishments on my part. ;)

The scene: Walking in the ‘hood with mah pit bull and muttskie.

The cast:

Mina: The Pit Bull who is certain little yappy dogs yelling at her must be dispatched post-haste

Celeste: The Muttskie who does whatever Mina does even when she doesn’t

Me: Just a hapless human dragged about by two crazed canines

Me: Hey, it’s pretty toasty out, eh?

Mina: It’s more than toasty, minion, it’s like we’re walking in a giant molten lava-ball.

Celeste: Ohhhh, can we chase our lava-selves? Please?

Mina: Sure you can. You should probably chase your lava-self in the road, though. Better traction.

Celeste: Okay!!! *prances off sidewalk*

Me: Negative, little crazed one! Mina, please don’t encourage Celeste to do dumb things.

Mina: Yeah, whatever. It’s not my fault she believes everything I say, even though I am right about 150% of the time. I try hard to live up to my awesome standards.

Me: Yes, it’s hard being you.

Mina: I’m glad you recognize that, minion.

Celeste: It’s hard to be me too!!!

*Me and Mina roll eyes*

Suddenly, barking erupts from the house on our right. Then more barking is heard from the house behind us.

Mina: PANIC ALERT LEVEL FOUR MILLION! It’s a panoramic attack! Rally the troops!

Celeste: I is the troops and I’m rallied!

Me: Good lord, Mina, these dogs are like 1/50^th of your size.

Mina: Ha! Yeah and parasites are like 1/trillionth of my size and yet I don’t see you inviting them over for tea.

Me: Good point. About face! Let’s, um, go visit that lamp post five blocks away – I hear it’s real popular with the boy dogs.

Mina: Not until I tell those miniature hounds of hell what’s-what. *barks, whines and glares at five random houses* Okay, I’m done.

Celeste: Me too! *promptly runs into tree* Whoa! That is the fastest moving tree I’ve ever met in my whole entire 1-yr-long existence!

Mina: God, you are embarrassing.

Me: Like you should be talking. Anyway, let’s go check out that lamp post.

*Mina glares one more time at random house; Celeste nose bops the fast-moving tree; Me, I just hope for the best*

The curious incident of the dog left alone

2008-08-23T18:30:00.000-07:00

The Curious Incident of the Dog Left Alone
The cast:
Mina - The Ruler of All that is Canid and Good.
Celeste - The Ruler of All that is Squeaky and Edible
Me - The Ruler of No One

The Scene: My apartment where I stupidly left four pounds of food unattended whilst I went to work. Four hours later, I arrived to a gruesome scene of torn up ziplock bags strewn haphazardly about.

Me: OH MY GOD, YOU ATE ALL THE FOOD!!!!
Mina: I sure did. You left it lying right there for me to eat. It practically screamed EAT ME MINA! So I did.
Me: But it was FOUR POUNDS of food!
Mina: I am aware of that. You abandon me every day. I never know when I'll get my next morsel of food. My life is constantly on edge - will I eat? will I ever see Marji again? Will Celeste ever stop annoying me? You can see how I might take it upon myself to stock up on food for the next few hours.
Mina: Few hours? Ha! I'm not feeding you for the next four days. FOUR DAYS.
*lets Celeste out of crate *
Celeste: *flings herself at Marji* HUMOTHER OF EPIC PROPORTIONS, MINA ATE ALL THE FOOD IN FRONT OF MY CRATE AND DIDN'T SHARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries*
Mina: Share? With you? I would have but, um, none of the food would fit through your crate's holes. And, you never know, the food could have been poisoned. I was just testing it. You know. Just in case.
Celeste: Poisoned?!? Who would ever poison ME?!? I like everyone. Everyone likes me. *in a hushed whisper* Even the dust bunnies like me, and they don't like anyone. But me.
Mina: Anyways. Um, minion? Can you let me out now. I gotta go real bad. *waddles over to the door*
Me: *starts to open the door*
Celeste: FREEDOM - F-R-E-E-D-O-M. I am the Champion of Freedom with a Capital F! Let's go humom and Mina-sisterhood of the pants!!!! *prances out the door*
Mina: *glances nonchalantly at me* Sooo, could you open the door a little more? Just a little more...okay, getting there, all the way open? Excellent. *waddles slowly out the door*
Me: Crap, you're fat, Mina.
Mina: *glares back at me* I am well-padded, as I should be. Global warming could cause catastrophic freezing in this very building. Take note, human. Take note! *waddles down the stairs to pee*

The end.

When stupid dogs run loose

2008-08-23T18:25:00.000-07:00

The cast:

Mina: Patchy-eyed pit bull with a love of nose bops.

Celeste: Blue-eyed mutt with a love of annoying Mina.

Me: Humom to Celeste, minion to Mina.

Chance: Rambunctious Lab/Pit mix with a love of anything that exists and an annoyance factor of 10 (out of 2).

Mina: Minion, it is time for me to pee. Lacking opposable thumbs, I rely on you to assist me in accessing the great outdoors.

Celeste: I HAVE TO PEE TOO!!!! Oppose my thumbs, please!

Me: I have no words for you Celeste, except those which I have just spoken. *approaches the great white door and opens it. *

Me: Sit, please!

Mina: You know what? Next time you need to pee, I’m making you do cartwheels! Let. Me. Out.

Me: *stares*

Mina: *sits*

Celeste: *sits* COOKIE? Now? Cookie, now? How about a Cookie with a capital C now?

Me: Good! Cookie for you and cookie for you.

Unbeknownst to all three wonderful creatures, a dog by the name of Chance was heading towards the great white door. He heard something about Cookies and went to investigate.

Chance: Hi!!!!!! I AM HERE!!! *enters through great white door*

Mina: OH MY GOD! INTRUDER ALERT. INTRDUER ALERT. CODE PINK! ATTAAACCCK. RAWRRRRR!!!!

A one-sided fight ensues, in which Mina bravely battles the blubbery Chance while Celeste bravely barks encouraging words to Mina. Chance, because he was dropped on his head as a puppy (or because he was never given a brain) believes Mina is playing and runs crazy circles in my apartment living room.

Me: ENOUGH! GET THE HELL OUT. NOW!

Celeste: OH NOES! Please don’t kick me out, I’ll be a Good Dog with a capital G and D, because now I know you can capitalize things like that. I’ll even stop eating napkins and chewing on table legs!!!

Mina: Yeah, get the heck out of here you….THING, you.

Celeste: ME?!?

Mina/Me: NO!

Chance: Huh?

Finally, Chance’s errant owner screams something about damn dogs and Chance immediately heads home. Mina enjoyed a frenzied pee session and Celeste clung to my leg out of fear I might abandon her. ‘Twas a fine, fine five minutes. No dogs, regardless of their brain cell load, were harmed.

When good dogs go bad

2008-08-23T18:24:00.001-07:00

M = Me.

Mina = Mina, a patchy eyed pit bull. Likes: long walks anywhere, licking, cookies, royal canids and her minion (M). Dislikes: Celeste and mutant squirrels.
Celeste = Celeste, a canine of dubious ancestry. Likes: Mina, her humom, Mina, everyone, the plant on the stoop, Mina, humom, all the doggies and kitties and birdies, Mina. Dislikes: Bed-time and time-out.
Poop = in this story, horse manure.

While the dialogue is fictitious (excluding some training commands), the butterfly chasing incident and subsequent chaos is, sadly all too true.

The scene: Our adventurous trio head to the park for a walk and training session. Little did they know their walk would turn into something else entirely...something malevolent...something nefarious...something beyond evil!

M: Celeste, sit!
Celeste: I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. I did it!!! Do I get a cookie?!?!?!??!
M: Good girl, yes a cookie for you.
Celeste: Twenty five billion cookies?
M: No.
Celeste: Oh. Bummer.
M: Alrighty! Let's try a heel, Celeste. Heel. Heel. Heel. Good!
Celeste: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I'm HEELING. I rule at life and walks and HEELING!!! COOKIE!
Mina: You are a strange little dog.
Celeste: Cookies for strange little dogs, please!
M: Let's try that heel thing for a few more seconds, mmkay?
Celeste: Oh yes! I am so good at heeling, it's like a second or third skin or something.
Mina: Hey, Celeste - is that a butterfly?!?
Celeste: Wahuh, what, WHERE IS THE BUTTERFLY?!?
*Celeste veers off course, leaping gracelessly to the right...directly into M's legs who proceeds to flail uselessly about before tumbling in a heap onto the ground*
Mina: *snort* That was embarrassing. *meanders off*
M: *groan* Celeste! What have I told you about chas...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Celeste: *roll* I'm rolling.
M: IN WHAT?
Celeste: I dunno, it's the same stuff you're sitting on. I want to be cool like you!!
*M gazes at the ground, stares back at Celeste, then directs a scathing glare to Mina*
Mina: What?
M: *dusts (sort of) horse poop (dried, thankfully) off self* You know very well What. How many times have I told you not to trick Celeste like that?
Mina: *ponders* I dunno, thirty? Forty? I've lost count.
Celeste: Fifty-five! Cookie?
M & Mina: No!

And with that, the three managed to finish the walk relatively unscathed. Mina made several more attempts at distracting Celeste with sightings of lizards, rabbits, squirrels, rolling apples, wind through leaves and another butterfly. Celeste did her best to chase all the aforementioned animals and/or object and/or natural phenomena. And failed at catching any of them. M managed to not trip over Celeste or Mina or that annoying bench randomly placed on the path.

The end. For now.

The Book Incident

2008-08-23T18:23:00.001-07:00

Me: Celeste! Is that a book in your mouth?
Celeste: Phwhatt?
Mina: Ha! You, pup, are in SO much trouble. The minion thinks books are like liver treats laced with dog-friendly chocolate.
Me: Celeste, books are for reading, NOT chewing.
Celeste: I was reading! With my teeth! It's a new skill I've been practicing.
Me: *sigh* Well stop, your teeth are taking Lost in a Good Book too literally.
Celeste: *huff* Well, fine. I'll just go chew on my big sister! Hey, big sister, let me chew on you!! Please!
Mina: First, I'm NOT your big sister, I don't care what that crazy guy said. Second, OUCH! QUIT IT!

And then Mina ate Celeste. It was bound to happen. See evidence below.